It Is What It Is Pt. 4 by Karen Minors

     So, how did I discover that Joaquin was not the one for me? Wow, I was blinded. How could I have not known? It was all around me and it was so obvious to my best friend Milan and my aunt Rocsi. I was just not ready to let go. The writing was on the wall, the red flags were there, but I was afraid of being by myself. I wanted a man to love me and I desired to be a wife and a mother. One of the many deal breakers with us was the fact that Joaquin did not want any more children. He finally admitted it after we had been together for three years. I was so upset that I cried for two days straight and I didn’t take his phone calls. 

     I was devastated. I thought maybe he would change his mind later on. My aunt Rocsi prayed with me, and Milan came over and just sat with me. She invited me to join her Singles Ministry at her church and challenged me to their fast. I agreed to do it, and I gained so much strength. The Lord spoke to me, and I knew I had to give up my relationship with Joaquin. For a solid month, I did not see him, and when we talked on the phone, it was very brief. I told him of my spiritual quest, and he accepted it at first. When he realized he wouldn’t be getting his freak on, he blew up and said something about “being tired of waiting for you to go through your spiritual thang.” I didn’t want to accept the fact that I would be alone at first, but my spiritual growth and self worth meant so much more to me. But even after all my praying and fasting, I still couldn’t let him go.

 
TO BE CONTINUED...

It Is What It Is Pt. 2 by Karen Minors

Anyway, I met this guy on Mochaluv.com, and we connected instantly, sending each other IMs, until we finally exchanged phone numbers. After talking on the telephone for about two weeks, we decided to meet in person. We wanted to see if the connection would be there in person, especially since we had seen one another’s pictures online, and we both liked what we saw. 

His name is Joaquin and he was thirty years old when we met. I was twenty-two at the time and had just started going to school for my Master’s degree. He had never been married, and had a teenaged son named Noah, whom he was raising on his own. I had to give it to him; that was very admirable for a man to raise a child by himself. Joaquin was the oldest of three; his younger siblings both women. He grew up in Upper Marlboro and was living in Crofton, where he worked as an office manager part time. He went to school at night, so he could study marine biology during the day. He had a huge aquarium in his home, and it was filled with exotic sea life from everywhere. Joaquin’s father was from the Dominican Republic and his mother African American, a native Washingtonian. He had toasted almond skin and jet black wavy hair. He was a momma’s boy, and he was very accustomed to being by himself. This should have been a red flag for me, but trust me, this didn’t come out until after I was in way over my head. Although he shared with me his desire to one day be married and have more children, he was only saying what he thought I wanted to hear. And he was absolutely right. We stayed together for six years. Many of those years found me just going through the motions.