You Can't Take It With You

I realized recently that I've lost a few friends on Facebook. I'm pretty sure this is because of things I've written on my blog. Initially I was excited because I've always heard you haven't "arrived" until you've offended someone via your blog. The other part of me was saddened and worried by it.

My blog is a mixed bag sprinkled with some fiction and non-fiction, but even my fiction is loosely based in some sort of reality. I've blogged about people in my life. Those people may not have appreciated what I had to say, despite it being the truth. While I can certainly understand that, I haven't painted anyone in an unkind light. Yet, these are my memories, my perspectives, and my side of the story. You'll never know the other side. Par for the course.

But you know what? I had to say it. I had to write it. I'm a writer and this is my truth. This blog is my creative space. I'm not here to be Ms. Nicey Nancy and try to make everyone worship me--I'm here to write because I must. It's what I do. It's who I am. As Allison Nazarian says in this post,

Stop trying to be so damn nice. Nice is a bullshit excuse. First of all, you are already nice without trying. Second, trying to be nice all the time becomes a full-time job and a full-time job means you don’t have time for most anything else. People won’t like you sometimes, and that’s ok. The more you speak your truth, the more some people will turn away. Not everyone wants to or is ready to hear it or face theirs. They may not like the changes they perceive in you. And that is not your problem. Meanwhile, the more this happens, the more those who DO resonate with what you have to say will start to show up. And they won’t expect that Splenda-sweet nice chick in your place.

They expect you. The real you.

Last week I told my daughters for the first time, "Mommy is a writer," and they looked at me with furrowed brows. Not sure why I never told them before, but they've always known Daddy is a surgeon. Now they know about the real me, too.

The people I've written about? Names have been changed, characteristics altered....events/ circumstances? Not so much. If I've offended, I have to just let go. Say goodbye. I can't carry that weight with me into the new year, there's too much at stake. If you don't like me, if you don't like what I write? There's a sting, but it's quick and then it's over. I can't carry the heaviness with me, a feeling of fault. I've done nothing wrong by simply speaking my truths.

The lesson here? Not everyone is gonna love me. And I'm learning to be okay with that.

The New Facebook: Are We Making Friends or Foes?

Exhibit A:
The new Facebook profile page (this is mine). Frankly, I don't like the makeover. What do you think?

Exhibit B:

Note the circled red part there under "Recent Activity." Those are comments I've left on my friends' pages. Hypothetically speaking, if I write one someone's wall that I opened a bottle of wine at 3:00 because my children were driving me insane I'm wearing the same clothes for the third day in a row, the whole world will find out about it because it will be posted on my own wall. Nice, huh? Yes, I can delete it once I get home to my computer, but still? Makes me not want to comment at all. Or seriously sensor my comments. Which is no fun. Isn't Facebook supposed to be fun? Well look out because next thing you know, you may start losing friends over things you never realized they'd be able to see.

And then this crap? Exhibit C:

Can I just say how much I LOVE seeing my profile photo the size of Mars? Nevermind the personal stuff at the top-- who gives a shit that I was born in New Orleans and have an English degree? And it's so thoughtful of Facebook to randomly choose the most unflattering photos of me to put right at the very top of the page. Makes me want to remove all my photo albums. It's just inconvenient because although I can delete the pictures (I think), I have to be at home at my computer to do it because I'm not all savvy with a fancy pants iPad, iPhone, Crackberry, or smart phone like the rest of you.

What do you think?

Gratitude

I'm feeling grateful for so many things, and need to make an effort to list them more often. But in no particular order, I am especially appreciative of and grateful for:

1. My incredible network of Twitter friends who are helping me to grow beyond my wildest dreams: @JoyceCherrier, @HipCop, @KatJaib, @ShellyKramer, @SusanLorelei, @mmangen, @CherryWoodburn, @FromTracie, @AmyOscar, @blogomomma, @SarahRobinson, and soooo many others.
2. My awesome circle of blog friends who have remained faithful, loyal, and true. You know who you are, you know who I am, yet you manage to love me anyway.Whoa! (This also applies to my non-blogger friends!)
3. Honest Tea, particularly the Pearfect White Tea. Also Lori's Lemon Tea.
4. Jazzercise, for allowing me to work out in a supportive, mirror-free atmosphere. Check out their 1-day sale HERE!
5. Jillian Michaels, despite her saying, "I want you to feel like you're gonna DIE!"
6. Candy. Because it helps keep my kids in line.
7. Kendall-Jackson Chardonnay. Because it helps get me out of line.
8. My friend Meg for not kicking me out of her birthday party Saturday night when I put a purple bowl in my shirt and pretended to be pregnant. My friend Anne for not disowning me after I slapped her ass while dancing. Meg's husband Justin for indulging me and adding the Wang Chung song to his iPod.
9. Our sweet babysitter Kiley who has the nerve to leave for college in California in 10 days, but has managed to put up with me and my neuroses, not to mention my children, for several years now.
10. Books. So many books, so little time. But lately, Jonathan Safran Foer's "Eating Animals," for opening my eyes to what's really going on behind the scenes in the food industry. Also "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett has likely been my favorite read so far this year.
11. My husband. I love him so much that we are getting remarried in October at The Sasone Wedding. He still puts up with me dotes on me after over 10 years together! I'm so lucky. He's such a trooper.
12. My children. Yes, they may be unruly, cantankerous little hags at times, but deep down they are loving, smart, and beautiful girls. Sometimes I do wonder if one of them not naming any names here was perhaps mixed up in the in-vitro lab, because her attitude is unlike anything I've ever witnessed or read about she can't possibly be mine.
13. My family---for loving me, encouraging me, humoring me, paying for my therapy and always being willing to talk through things and drug me when I become to difficult to deal with.

I shall end this list here before it becomes too boring although it's more than likely you stopped reading way back there on # 3.

What are YOU feeling grateful for besides me, of course?

Wanted: A friend

Wanted: A good friend who lives nearby (i.e. preferably here in KC). This friend should be funny, intellectual (but not too intellectual), loyal, trustworthy, and patient. This friend should be honest with me, but at the same time know when a teensy white lie is appropriate. Said friend should also want to hang out on a semi-regular basis, whether it means with our kids in tow or at a sushi joint with sake and obnoxious snorting going on. Sure, email, Twitter, and text messages/phone calls are great, but I want to be friends with someone who actually enjoys spending face time with me. I want to be able to confide in you on several levels: the mundane, the serious, the hysterical, the goofy. I want to be able to say to you things like: "My children are driving me batty. Is it 5:00 yet?" or "Do you want to take the kids to the park and catch up on some good gossip?" or "I just ate too much Mexican food and chocolate chip cookies and now I'm having explosive diarrhea." This friend should not cringe to watch me consume copious quantities of cookies, cupcakes, or brownies. Said friend should helpfully dive into the snacks with me and we can then go work out together the next day to burn it off.

If you are considering applying for this position, you might want to know a little bit about who you'll be working for.

Me: I'm a little needy in that I tend to look to others for validation. But I don't like to come across as needy, though. I will often retreat into myself and get pretty absorbed in the daily grind of kids, working out, cooking dinner, running to the grocery store, and doing a trillion loads of laundry. I'm a tad OCD. I over analyze everything. I'm chronically on time or early. I'm not very patient. I really just want someone to hang out with more often, to be my very dear friend. I have several good & old friends, but they don't live nearby. I do have friends here in KC, but I want to be someone's close friend---I want to be someone you confide in, call when you need a shoulder to cry on, a favor, etc. I want you to trust me with your secrets while I trust you with mine. I think it's hard for women to maintain friendships when young kids are in the picture; the dads play golf together every weekend or bond at football games or go out drinking on weekend nights. I don't do any of this. I'm the one who's mostly at home or coming home early to relieve the sitter while Hubby goes out on the town.

I am not good at reaching out a lot. I'm afraid of rejection. I don't put myself out there enough.

Will you be my friend? My biggest fault is that I will probably love you too much.