Sunday, December 28, 2008

Why?

When will we learn?
Or should I say, when will my husband learn? He bought the girls mini-keyboards for Hanukkah. OMG.

YOU CANNOT IMAGINE THE DEAFENING MELODIES EMANATING FROM MY HOUSE WHILE MY TWO GIRLS PLAY THEIR G.D. KEYBOARDS SIMULTANEOUSLY AT F&%$ING 7:00 A.M.

I am not wholly innocent myself, as I gave the green light when he suggested toy guitars. However, I have already had to confiscate these as Izzy has seriously injured multiple knuckles/fingers by strumming a bit over zealously. She really did a number on herself and hopefully learned a valuable lesson. But regardless, the guitars have been hidden away until the rather large scabs disappear. Tonight, the last night of Hanukkah, they will get a nice, quiet gift----a dress up trunk of princess garb. That should be relatively harmless....right?!?!!?

The girls have really enjoyed Hanukkah this year and have helped light the candles each night. They are also repeating the prayers along with us, which is pretty darn cute. We did not give them gifts every night, but they got gifts from grandparents some of the nights...

It's been a long week on call for Dan, and I feel for him. But it's nearly over, and then he'll be off for New Year's.

What is everyone doing for NYE?

Thursday, December 25, 2008

missing Emilie

It is Christmas Day, my girls are napping, and despite having had a lovely morning with them, I continue to be consumed by thoughts of Emilie (http://lemmondrops.blogspot.com/), who passed away earlier this week after battling cancer.

I "met" Emilie via a TTC (trying to conceive) message board I was a member of several years back, and I think she may have even been on The Knot boards before that, but I can't remember for sure. At any rate, I began reading her blog at that point (long before I started my own, obviously) and although we never met, I feel like I've lost a dear friend. I always eagerly awaited her blog updates, hoping for good news. I was stunned last week to read that she was under home hospice care, and even more shocked when she passed away so quickly once that move was made.

Emilie was an incredible writer, and a mother of two darling boys, Daniel and Benjamin. She is also survived by her husband, Steve. I ache for all of them. I am sad that Christmas for them will forever be tainted by the memory of losing their mother and wife. Nonetheless, I am relieved Emilie's passing was peaceful and that she was surrounded by her family. I cannot begin to imagine what they are all going through.

My heart is breaking. I feel helpless. I live far away. I wish there was something I could do. All I know is Emilie was special to me and she will be greatly missed. I keep going to her blog out of habit, and hoping for another update from Steve. I wonder if he will continue to post, or if it will be too painful...?

Emilie, you were loved by soooo many people. You touched so many lives. You were beloved. And I love your quote. and you are right---CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Yay!




Thank you to Monica, my idol at Ruby Chickadee :http://rubychickadee.blogspot.com/, for bestowing this award upon me. I'm not quite sure I qualify as "Kreativ," but who am I to refuse?

I am to make a list of six things that make me happy before I pass this award on to other bloggers.



  1. I am happy that we have a roof over our heads, food to eat, clothes to wear, and similar things I tend to take for granted;


  2. I am happy to have my daughters-- I appreciate their tolerance of and patience with me;


  3. I am happy for the experience of motherhood, the most precious gift;


  4. I am happy to have my husband. He is my rock;


  5. I am happy to have my parents, my brothers, my aunt and uncles, my niece, my sister-in-law, my cousins...without family where would any of us be?


  6. I am happy for the friends I have made over many years---some friends whose faces I've never seen, whose words and thoughts I have only read...as well as those whom I've grown up with or met over the years, those I talk to regularly.


I pass this award on to (and I am sorry I haven't figured out how to post a link without writing out the web address, GRRR):


http://www.lemmondrops.blogspot.com/

http://www.dooce.com/

http://sarcasticmom.com/

http://www.whitetrashmom.com/

http://mommyandher2boys.blogspot.com

Saturday, December 20, 2008

in tears

a beautiful woman and mother of two boys---Emilie---whose blog i regularly follow (Lemmondrops) has begun the end of her very long journey. i am speechless and sad. she has been such an inspiration and although we've never met, i feel like i know her and she constantly amazes and impresses me.

the day feels very dark. i feel very sad for her and her husband and two young boys. i pray for an easy and safe journey. and i hope she realizes how many lives she's touched.

my heart goes out to you and your family, Emilie. you are amazing. thank you for everything.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Bust-Laid Plans

So, in my continuing quest to be attractive to my husband and make an effort with my appearance, I put on a retired lace bra this evening. I think although I purchased this bra with aforementioned bust intentions (ok, bad joke), it has rarely, if ever, actually been worn. Instead it has been hibernating in a drawer, crammed underneath lots of other more reliable/comfortable/practical underthings.

Not long after I donned said bra, I began itching furiously. There is nothing more un-sexy than a woman scratching her chest and constantly adjusting herself in hopes that it will stop.

Scritch. Scra-a-a-a-atch. Itch. Scritch scratch. Itchy itchy. What are there, bugs in my blouse?

"What is wrong with you?" Dan asked, looking at me in utter horror. Even the dog looked at me curiously. I peeked down my shirt and noted that a red rash was quickly spreading over my skin.

I tried to explain to Dan that Issac Mizrahi suggests if you start with beautiful underthings, you will begin to feel more beautiful and radiate confidence, etc. He rolled his eyes, clearly not understanding me. I stormed into our bedroom, yanked off the offending article of clothing, replaced it with my boring, same everyday brassiere and here I sit relating this tale.

This is precisely why I have such a hard time sticking with this sort of thing, this "making an effort." I just end up with a rash and a husband who thinks I'm one sandwich short of a picnic.

Friday, December 12, 2008

one of those days

Dear Diary,

It's one of those days around here, you know the ones.

I stepped in dog poop. I yelled at my kids. I have a zit on my chin. My hair is inexcusably nasty. I need to exercise more. The stomach flu is going around and I'm worried our number is nearly up. The house is a mess. I can't keep up. We're moving in February. I don't know what I'm doing. Thank goodness we have a decorator now, but I think he thinks I'm a moron and we don't have a clue (we don't).

I go in fits and spurts where I work harder to be a better mom & wife, and then I fall off the wagon. I can never keep all the balls in the air at once. I want to cry. I want to be the perfect mom, supermom, superwife. But I can't. As soon as I get one facet of my life under control, something else falls by the wayside. I might start cooking more/cooking better, but then I'm not putting as much effort into my appearance. Or I might make a real effort to do more things with the girls and limit the tv, but then dinner doesn't get made (or it turns out poorly b/c I am multitasking, or because I forgot 2 of the ingredients as I was chasing my twins through the grocery store).

I don't know how my friends who work and have little ones do it. I feel like I should be able to do this and do it easily/well. I have excuses for everything...like most recently, Dan was sick and also the girls have been waking lots at night for various reasons---Abby to pee, and Izzy due to ear pain (and let's not even go there b/c I am so stressed and tied up in knots about that---we just got confirmation her tubes have fallen out). So sleep isn't something any of us are getting much of lately. So then I am automatically more prone to skipping workouts, or to putting a frozen pizza in the oven, or to leaving the tv on to help me catch up on other things....

We are taking the girls to see the Doo Dads tonight at the Record Bar in Westport. Perhaps that will help make up for what a terrible mother I am!

Monday, December 8, 2008

2nd Birthday---The Terrible Two's Begin...


The celebration culminated in all 6 girls (3 sets of twins) jumping on Abby & Izzy's new "big girl beds."












Our Fam. Dan's holding Izzy and I have Abby.
I look skinny!















Abby















Izzy












Abby

December 8- 9, 2005

Three years ago today, I had what we affectionately refer to as the "Labor Lunch," at Circe with Dan and his dad. We braved 7-8 inches of fresh snow to get me a grilled cheese and french fries at Dan's friend Nate's restaurant. It was the best grilled cheese EVER. While some people have actually suggested it was the drastic change in barometric pressure (large weather systems can often send many women into labor), I prefer to credit Nate's cooking. The following morning when I went in for a regular non-stress test, it appeared I was in active labor (but didn't know it because I'd been experiencing very strong contractions for several weeks prior to the birth that required medication to stop/slow down). A nurse spotted me in the waiting room and I don't know if it was my pale, pained face or the sight of a nearly 200-pound woman (that would be me) trying to curl into the fetal position in a very small, uncomfortable chair....but she came up to me and asked if it was my "time." I looked at her hopefully and asked, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, when some women are about to give birth, they get that look, and you have that look right now. Let's get you into a room and see what's going on." They hooked me and the girls up to monitors and I kept watching my belly tighten and stay high and hard with a few very brief releases here and there. They confirmed I was 3 cm dilated, fully effaced, and moved me to a room. Oh, and I almost forgot---after this appointment I was supposed to go to Dan's office where we were throwing him a surprise baby shower. But I never made it and was so disappointed. Oh well. My doctor started an IV and told me we'd go back to the OR around 1:00 for my scheduled C-section. Dan ran home to let the dog out, and grab my suitcase, etc. They took me back right on time and the girls were born at 1:46 (Abby) and 1:47 (Izzy) p.m. on Friday, December 9, 2005.




From this (day 5 embryos just prior to transfer)...










To this....(approx. 32-33 weeks pregnant)



The Big Day--12/09/05, in the O.R.
Our first pic as a family of four!



The girls in the NICU, day 2 or day 3 of life.
Abby (L) and Izzy (R)




Mommy and Abby







Let Them Eat Cake: Turning 1

As the girls' third birthday is tomorrow, I thought it would be fun to look over the last few years to see how far they've come. Only I'm a total moron and am struggling with Blogger and posting photos....so you'll just have to deal with a few separate posts instead of one large one. My biggest obstacle right now is order of pics in a post....I'm thinking there surely must be a way to move/manipulate the photos around within the draft. But instead, I feel stuck with the order in which I load them up, which it also seems I have no control over, because as soon as I upload them, they just pop up in the body of the post regardless of where my cursor had been just prior. ARGHHHHHHHHH. Oh well. I digress.



Abby is exhausted by this whole birthday cake thing.











Izzy mostly just played with her cake.













Clearly Abby takes after her mother when it comes to sweets--better dig in quick before someone else tries to snatch it away!











Abby (L) and Izzy (R) on their first birthday.




Thursday, December 4, 2008

soooo sleepy

I haven't been posting much lately...too much drama going on. Family drama, Abby drama (lots of night waking/issues), house stuff (we finally hired a decorator and I wish we'd done so much much sooner), holidays (my mom and Kevin were here for Thanksgiving), etc....the girls' third birthday is next week and their party is on Sunday. I hope it all goes off without a hitch. Not likely, considering Dan's on double ER call all weekend. I'm praying for a quiet Sunday morning at the very least (all we need is 2 hours, please God) at both hospitals so that we can enjoy it as a family.

On another note, a friend of mine joined Jazzercise and we are going together this afternoon with all 4 of our kids. I made her promise not to laugh at me, seeing as I lack proper coordination and am generally 1-2 steps behind everyone else. But at least the kids can play together and I have more motivation to go to class. Thanks, Wendy!

Abby has been waking lots during the night, driving me bonkers. Sometimes she's sleepwalking/talking in her sleep. Sometimes she wants a drink of water or is tangled up in her covers. But the newest thing is that she needs to potty in the wee (pun intended) hours of the morning (i.e. 4-5:30 a.m.). While I am proud of her for staying dry all night, this new development is exhausting. I suppose I need to start limiting her liquid intake or talk to her lots about taking herself potty in the night (not sure how this will go and whether or not she'll wake Izzy in the process). I'll need to get another night light for their bathroom, too. And it would be helpful if she'd wear Pull Ups to bed (long story, but we can't use them. and whenever I put her to sleep in panties, she wets her bed. but every time she sleeps in a diaper, she wakes up dry the next day)....I am sure it's a phase just like anything else, and it doesn't help that she's cutting some new molars. It may simply be that she's uncomfortable and therefore not sleeping as well/as soundly as usual. We have our 3-year checkup next week, and our pediatrician is great about helping with these sorts of things. If I can make it for another week! Ack!
in the meantime,
ZZzzzzZZzzZzZzzzZzzzzZzzzZ.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Seven years ago today....

Those who were there remember this well. Why couldn't anyone properly hold up MY chair during the Hava Nagila?













A close up of the sheer terror I was feeling just before they dropped me.






Just Married!















Me and my maids!
Heather, Allison, me, Christy, Liz, Kimberly.
Sarah, Allison, and Melissa Fuhrman

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Excerpt from "Skinny Bitch"

from pages 44-45:

"Of the ten billion animals slaughtered each year in America for human consumption, the vast majority of them come from factory farms. Factory farms that raise cattle, pigs, chickens, egg-laying hens, veal calves, or dairy cows have an enormous amount of animals in a very small space. There are no vast meadows or lush, green pastures. The animals are confined inside buildings, where they are literally packed in on top of each other. Egg-laying hens are crammed into cages so small that they are unable to open their wings, and their mangled feet actually grow around the wire mesh floors. This overcrowded, stressful environment causes chickens to peck at each other and factory farm workers, so the ends of their beaks are seared off their faces using a hot knife. Pigs and cows are imprisoned in stalls so small, they are unable to turn around or lie down comfortably. Cattle are subject to third-degree branding burns and having their testicles and horns ripped out. Pigs also suffer from branding and castrations, in addition to the mutilation of their ears, tails, and teeth. They all live in the filth of their own urine, feces, and vomit with infected, festering sores and wounds. To keep animals alive in these unsanitary conditions, farmers must give them regular doses of antibiotics."

Honestly, this all makes me want to cry. I've not been ignorant to such appalling things, but I guess I've just chosen not to let it get to me. Until now. This REALLY bothers me. For a long time I've bought organic things, eggs from free-range chickens, tofu, etc....and I don't think I eat a ton of meat, period. But I love a good cheeseburger every once in a while. I have one friend in particular who has had a discussion or two on this with me---and he is a firm believer in the food chain and basically believes that if we didn't eat these animals, other animals would eat them anyway. To me that doesn't seem to be a good enough reason for me to continue eating meat/animal products.. Does it have to be all or nothing? I don't know. I also don't know where to begin as far as nutritional needs and making sure I get enough protein and iron, etc. from sources other than poultry, fish, and beef. And what about my kids? I feel they're too young to push them down the vegetarian route---Dan won't hear of it.

If you are reading this and have some thoughts, I would love to hear them....

feeling like it's time for a change

I am reading a new book called, "Skinny Bitch," by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. I am only on page 44, but am starting to feel like some change is in order. I am going to try and start with baby steps like eliminating diet coke and coffee (I don't drink a ton of either, but usually have 1 diet coke or 1 small cup of coffee each day) and reducing my intake of meats.

I will try to post some excerpts later that have really moved me. I want to be greener and healthier, and this book is explaining to me how things really work and what I am doing to my body on a daily basis by not thinking about what I'm putting in my mouth (and my kids' mouths).....

stay tuned....

Monday, November 17, 2008

we have cabinets!




this is our closet...





and the kitchen with an island in the middle. all the cabinets haven't been installed yet, but they were all delivered to the house last week...at one end of the kitchen island is a wine rack, and at the other end are some shelves for cookbooks...


Friday, November 14, 2008

feeling nostalgic




I'm feeling terribly nostalgic as the girls' third birthday rapidly approaches. I cannot believe the passage of time....each day seems incredibly slow, yet when I turn and look over my shoulder nearly 3 years have passed by.


This is what life was like for me about this time in 2005:
I was swimming in these maternity pants, but I couldn't find anything to fit my waist and my legs simultaneously. Everything was cutting off my circulation under my giant belly. Shirts were all too short. My feet were almost a full size larger than normal. My face was puffy. I don't miss that, but I do miss feeling them move inside of me, kicking me, having the hiccups...I miss the nightly belly watch, where Dan and I would sit on the sofa laughing as my belly jumped around.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

i am a dolt

I don't know why I never thought of it before, but Monica and Christy pointed out to me that you can buy lots of cool stuff on Etsy.com, including reusable produce bags to bring to the grocery store. So I just ordered these:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=mt&listing_id=17261412

I am super excited! I can't wait to use them!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

house!

the house is coming along so quickly we can't believe it. i don't have photos to post today, but hopefully this weekend. it was already getting dark when i was over there earlier.

first, the cabinets were delivered! this is super exciting because they weren't supposed to even be ready until the week of Thanksgiving. half of them are already installed. and the fireplaces in the living room and the family room are in as well. the molding/baseboards are finished, and closets are done, too. the "real" stairs are in and the handrails (no spindles yet, however).

anyway, stay tuned for pics. i can't contain myself!!! woohoo!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

green

I've neglected the green stuff for a long time. I think I started out too ambitious and thought I could change our habits in a week. I was wrong.

Things I have stuck with:
1. BYOB (bringing my own bags) to the grocery store, Target, etc. I confess to forgetting them a few times, and I feel badly when I do. I always recycle the ones I end up taking home, but I know that just taking the bags in the first place is the problem.

2. milk in glass bottles or cardboard cartons. I prefer the glass bottles because not only does it taste truly amazing, but there's no trash with it at all. It is more expensive than buying milk in other containers, however. I occasionally buy milk in cardboard cartons, but we are still mostly drinking Shatto milk.

3. no more bottled water. We bought a Brita pitcher and although the filters are not yet recycle- able, it's still better than all those little individual bottles. unfortunately, we sometimes buy some vitamin water, which, as far as i know, only comes in individual plastic bottles. we don't buy it often, but....ugh.

4. i am using biodegradable detergents and hand soaps. it recently occurred to me that if we switched to all bar soaps we'd be using fewer plastics, too. but i do buy a lot of the Method hand soap refills, which is better than buying a whole new bottle of soap.

5. we participated in our local CSA, which just recently ended for the season. and we do buy a fair amount of organic/local foods & produce.

6. Potty trained those kiddos over the summer so we're only using diapers at night---and only 1 diaper each night because Abby is dry all night long.

Things I'd like to work on more:
1. not using the fruit/veggie plastic bags in the produce section at the grocery store. but how to get around this, especially on a big shopping trip when i have lots of varieties, and several of each thing?

2. stop using plastic wrap and use only foil. but plastic wrap is just better for some things. argh.

3. stop using ziploc bags. i'm an addict. i do re-use when i can, but i am not great about it.


I wish I was better about this stuff. I need to quit being so lazy.

fun in leaves






the girls "helped" me rake up more leaves in the side yard yesterday before the rain began...the piles were so deep they came up almost to their waists...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I suck.

Sort of a long explanation that I don't feel like typing out at this moment, but basically I backed into Dan's car today. Fortunately it wasn't the Porsche. But he is not very happy with me and insists that the repairs will cost "thousands of dollars." I am hesitant to buy into this, but then again I don't have much experience with car parts/repairs/prices. I was backing out of the garage at the time, and his car was in the driveway directly behind me. So it wasn't as if I was going even 10 mph at the time. There are some dented spots that I think could be popped out, but there is a tiny scratch that went through the paint. So D says the whole door will have to be repainted/replaced.

I feel like shit even though this is really payback of sorts. When we lived in NOLA several years ago, HE backed into MY car, which was parked just behind his in the driveway. We took it over to one of those X-A-Dent places and they popped it out, and it wasn't a big deal at all. I suppose this is different, but nevertheless proves that accidents do happen and my number was up.....it just f##$ing sucks.

To add insult to injury, our handyman never showed up this weekend to help with fall leaf cleanup (we have to do a really big cleanup 2-3 times each fall season and sometimes enlist the help of others b/c with 5 large oaks and a big yard, it's a BIG job). The yard was out of control and I really didn't want to let it go any more, and it's supposed to start raining tomorrow. So I went out there and raked about 30 bags of leaves over 2 hours (55-gallon bags). I am paying for it now with blisters on my palms and aching shoulders and back. Penance for my transgression earlier today, I suppose. Anyway, you can't even tell I did much unless you see the 30 bags of trash at the curb. My garbage men will be thrilled on Wednesday.

I have a headache. I think tonight calls for an early bedtime.

Please pray that my husband's estimate on the car repairs is wrong. We may not know for a while as we're not in a hurry to fix it....

Saturday, November 8, 2008

baking cookies











Baking oatmeal raisin cookies today with my two little helpers!

Friday, November 7, 2008

feeling lucky

i haven't posted anything worthwhile/meaningful in a while, and it seems like life is getting busier and busier. i'm not great at budgeting my time or multitasking. at any rate, this is something that happened today.

after i dropped the girls off at school, i headed over to Jazzercise. on my way, i passed a neutral ground (median to those who aren't native new orleanians). there sat a man and a woman huddled close together with their dog. it was freezing outside and very windy. their clothes were dirty and worn and my heart was breaking as i passed by. i don't always stop for homeless people, but sometimes i just have to. it hurts my heart so much and makes me hate myself for taking the things that i have for granted on a daily basis. i think it's also the advent of the cold weather--seeing them shivering and trying to sit close together to conserve body heat...i drove past (it was a busy street and no real place to pull over) and quickly found a way to circle back around. i pulled over for a minute and rooted through my baby bag (which is always in my car, fully stocked with odds and ends, snacks, extra clothes, wipes, motrin, etc.) and found a few granola bars and packs of peanut butter crackers. i had $20 in my wallet and took it out. i drove back over to where they were and pulled over as best i could. i got out and brought them the snacks and the money and my voice cracked as i choked out something i can't even remember.

i was in tears once i got back into the car. it's just not fair.

i complain too much. i take things and people for granted. i yell at my kids. i am selfish. i whine about my thyroid issues. i often feel overwhelmed and exhausted. but my petty stuff is nothing compared to what some people are going through. what if i didn't have a home? what if i didn't have a place to take a shower, or any clean clothes to wear? what if i lived exposed to the elements?

things like this put it all in perspective. i am lucky. i need to be more thankful each and every day for what i have (and i don't mean just material things, either).

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Super Slug and Misc.



This tree is our favorite every fall. This picture doesn't do a justice, however. Yesterday was also a very grey day, which didn't help.








































The leaves are coming down in droves.













This is our side yard. Yes, there is grass under there somewhere.












Super slug. My hand is there so you get an idea of how large it really was. Gross!




























Sunday, November 2, 2008

Damn squirrels




various tidbits


So, I continued with Jazzercise this week and went 5 times. I skipped Wednesday and today (Sunday). I feel a real difference in my body, but can't see anything yet. I know it's too soon. Just trying to keep on keepin' on. Stick with it. Get somewhere. Change my body. But I also know I need to stop eating crap, like my daughters' Halloween candy. Ugh!


The walls are all in/done at the new house. Hardwoods will be installed late this week in conjunction with the trim carpenters' work on crown molding, shelves, etc....and we've been experimenting with paint colors. Dan threw many colors up on the walls in several rooms. It's so crazy how a color swatch looks one way, but when you put it up on a wall in a house, it can be completely different----and then different again depending on the light (or lack thereof) in the room. Very frustrating at times. Ultimately we're going to put some colors in a few rooms (living room, dining room, girls' room, and maybe ours) and then the rest of the house will be a very neutral color. We can always repaint later. Too much to do each room a different color, and we want the house to flow since it's got a very open feel to it.


Halloween was fun and the girls had a blast trick-or-treating. Well, Abby got crabby towards the end, but that was no surprise. Izzy was too cute....we'd go to the door and when someone opened it, I'd prompt her a bit and she'd yell, " HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" Everyone laughed, and then I'd whisper to her, "No, you're supposed to say 'trick or treat', silly!" The girls fought over who got to ring the doorbell at every house. They were exhausted when we got home. Much to my surprise & delight, they wore their hats for a while that night (at a previous Halloween party they wore the dresses but refused to don their hats). Izzy made friends with Howie, the schnoodle who lives next door. It was hard to get her to leave!



Halloween





Izzy the good witch.










Abby the semi-good witch.



The witch sisters prepare to depart on their quest for candy.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

we have walls!





Standing in the kitchen looking to the breakfast room (and out into the backyard)














Master bedroom












Master bathroom

Thursday, October 23, 2008

house




standing in the kitchen looking into the breakfast room---which looks out into backyard.











stairwell on main floor---going two directions: up to 2nd floor, and down to basement.



Family room




Screened-in porch; fireplace




MY FAVORITE PART: MASTER BATH

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