missing Emilie

It is Christmas Day, my girls are napping, and despite having had a lovely morning with them, I continue to be consumed by thoughts of Emilie (http://lemmondrops.blogspot.com/), who passed away earlier this week after battling cancer.

I "met" Emilie via a TTC (trying to conceive) message board I was a member of several years back, and I think she may have even been on The Knot boards before that, but I can't remember for sure. At any rate, I began reading her blog at that point (long before I started my own, obviously) and although we never met, I feel like I've lost a dear friend. I always eagerly awaited her blog updates, hoping for good news. I was stunned last week to read that she was under home hospice care, and even more shocked when she passed away so quickly once that move was made.

Emilie was an incredible writer, and a mother of two darling boys, Daniel and Benjamin. She is also survived by her husband, Steve. I ache for all of them. I am sad that Christmas for them will forever be tainted by the memory of losing their mother and wife. Nonetheless, I am relieved Emilie's passing was peaceful and that she was surrounded by her family. I cannot begin to imagine what they are all going through.

My heart is breaking. I feel helpless. I live far away. I wish there was something I could do. All I know is Emilie was special to me and she will be greatly missed. I keep going to her blog out of habit, and hoping for another update from Steve. I wonder if he will continue to post, or if it will be too painful...?

Emilie, you were loved by soooo many people. You touched so many lives. You were beloved. And I love your quote. and you are right---CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2nd Birthday---The Terrible Two's Begin...

The celebration culminated in all 6 girls (3 sets of twins) jumping on Abby & Izzy's new "big girl beds."












Our Fam. Dan's holding Izzy and I have Abby.
I look skinny!

Abby















Izzy

Abby

December 8- 9, 2005

Three years ago today, I had what we affectionately refer to as the "Labor Lunch," at Circe with Dan and his dad. We braved 7-8 inches of fresh snow to get me a grilled cheese and french fries at Dan's friend Nate's restaurant. It was the best grilled cheese EVER. While some people have actually suggested it was the drastic change in barometric pressure (large weather systems can often send many women into labor), I prefer to credit Nate's cooking. The following morning when I went in for a regular non-stress test, it appeared I was in active labor (but didn't know it because I'd been experiencing very strong contractions for several weeks prior to the birth that required medication to stop/slow down). A nurse spotted me in the waiting room and I don't know if it was my pale, pained face or the sight of a nearly 200-pound woman (that would be me) trying to curl into the fetal position in a very small, uncomfortable chair....but she came up to me and asked if it was my "time." I looked at her hopefully and asked, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, when some women are about to give birth, they get that look, and you have that look right now. Let's get you into a room and see what's going on." They hooked me and the girls up to monitors and I kept watching my belly tighten and stay high and hard with a few very brief releases here and there. They confirmed I was 3 cm dilated, fully effaced, and moved me to a room. Oh, and I almost forgot---after this appointment I was supposed to go to Dan's office where we were throwing him a surprise baby shower. But I never made it and was so disappointed. Oh well. My doctor started an IV and told me we'd go back to the OR around 1:00 for my scheduled C-section. Dan ran home to let the dog out, and grab my suitcase, etc. They took me back right on time and the girls were born at 1:46 (Abby) and 1:47 (Izzy) p.m. on Friday, December 9, 2005.




From this (day 5 embryos just prior to transfer)...

To this....(approx. 32-33 weeks pregnant)

The Big Day--12/09/05, in the O.R.

Our first pic as a family of four!

The girls in the NICU, day 2 or day 3 of life.

Abby (L) and Izzy (R)

Mommy and Abby

Let Them Eat Cake: Turning 1

As the girls' third birthday is tomorrow, I thought it would be fun to look over the last few years to see how far they've come. Only I'm a total moron and am struggling with Blogger and posting photos....so you'll just have to deal with a few separate posts instead of one large one. My biggest obstacle right now is order of pics in a post....I'm thinking there surely must be a way to move/manipulate the photos around within the draft. But instead, I feel stuck with the order in which I load them up, which it also seems I have no control over, because as soon as I upload them, they just pop up in the body of the post regardless of where my cursor had been just prior. ARGHHHHHHHHH. Oh well. I digress.



Abby is exhausted by this whole birthday cake thing.











Izzy mostly just played with her cake.













Clearly Abby takes after her mother when it comes to sweets--better dig in quick before someone else tries to snatch it away!











Abby (L) and Izzy (R) on their first birthday.

Seven years ago today....

Those who were there remember this well. Why couldn't anyone properly hold up MY chair during the Hava Nagila?













A close up of the sheer terror I was feeling just before they dropped me.






Just Married!















Me and my maids!
Heather, Allison, me, Christy, Liz, Kimberly.
Sarah, Allison, and Melissa Fuhrman

feeling nostalgic

I'm feeling terribly nostalgic as the girls' third birthday rapidly approaches. I cannot believe the passage of time....each day seems incredibly slow, yet when I turn and look over my shoulder nearly 3 years have passed by.

This is what life was like for me about this time in 2005:

I was swimming in these maternity pants, but I couldn't find anything to fit my waist and my legs simultaneously. Everything was cutting off my circulation under my giant belly. Shirts were all too short. My feet were almost a full size larger than normal. My face was puffy. I don't miss that, but I do miss feeling them move inside of me, kicking me, having the hiccups...I miss the nightly belly watch, where Dan and I would sit on the sofa laughing as my belly jumped around.