feeling lucky

i haven't posted anything worthwhile/meaningful in a while, and it seems like life is getting busier and busier. i'm not great at budgeting my time or multitasking. at any rate, this is something that happened today.

after i dropped the girls off at school, i headed over to Jazzercise. on my way, i passed a neutral ground (median to those who aren't native new orleanians). there sat a man and a woman huddled close together with their dog. it was freezing outside and very windy. their clothes were dirty and worn and my heart was breaking as i passed by. i don't always stop for homeless people, but sometimes i just have to. it hurts my heart so much and makes me hate myself for taking the things that i have for granted on a daily basis. i think it's also the advent of the cold weather--seeing them shivering and trying to sit close together to conserve body heat...i drove past (it was a busy street and no real place to pull over) and quickly found a way to circle back around. i pulled over for a minute and rooted through my baby bag (which is always in my car, fully stocked with odds and ends, snacks, extra clothes, wipes, motrin, etc.) and found a few granola bars and packs of peanut butter crackers. i had $20 in my wallet and took it out. i drove back over to where they were and pulled over as best i could. i got out and brought them the snacks and the money and my voice cracked as i choked out something i can't even remember.

i was in tears once i got back into the car. it's just not fair.

i complain too much. i take things and people for granted. i yell at my kids. i am selfish. i whine about my thyroid issues. i often feel overwhelmed and exhausted. but my petty stuff is nothing compared to what some people are going through. what if i didn't have a home? what if i didn't have a place to take a shower, or any clean clothes to wear? what if i lived exposed to the elements?

things like this put it all in perspective. i am lucky. i need to be more thankful each and every day for what i have (and i don't mean just material things, either).