Mary The Mommyologist is once again getting us to think hard about how we view ourselves with this week's Embrace Your Body Challenge. If you go here, you can watch her vlog and hear what she likes about herself. It made me pretty nervous, but I let her thoughts marinate for a bit.
Ultimately I did my own vlog below about I like about me. It was difficult to do, as it's much more my speed to obsess over all the things I can't stand about myself. But the reality is that I have two young girls watching me every minute, so I need monitor myself and censor what I say out loud. I've got to start thinking more positively too, because they are perceptive and can sense a lot just by watching me as I get dressed and ready in front of a mirror.
So here it is---this was my first shot, out of breath & in the rough, right after failing miserably at a new Jillian Michaels dvd The Father Load bought. Still and all, I managed to find one positive thing. I am going to work hard to find others.
What do you like about yourself? Why not link up at Mary The Mommyologist's place with photos or a vlog and tell us?
Mary Mommyologist is at it again, folks. As if Sexy Mom Prom wasn't enough, she is now co-hosting the Not Mommy of the Year contest with Tina over at Life Without Pink. We're supposed to dish the dirty secrets about our real mommy life behind the scenes and why we deserve to win the coveted NOT Mom of the Year award. It needs to be said that it's not the end of the world if our kids have Goldfish or pizza for breakfast. They will eventually eat their broccoli, and someday, they might even stop fighting. No judgement here, people. This is all about honesty, bravery, and a day in the life of The Mother Load. If you are going to call CPS, please give me a heads up so we can scoot on outta town.
So without further adieu, I present to you
not all, but just a few
of the many reasons why
The Not Mom of the Year Award should belong to me, myself, and I.
One hand,
Two hands,
Three hands,
Four.
Underneath my bathroom door.
Can't I even poop in peace?
One big STOMP is all it would take to cease!
Red Fish and Blue Fish are potty trained But their wiping skills have waxed and waned; Instead of jumping up to aid them and set them free, I sit glued to my book or laptop while they yell "Help meeeeeeeee!"
Now, if there's one thing Not Mom of the Year must possess It's a drawer filled to the brim with junk and candy like this; "Gummy fruit snacks" are nothing but sugar, 'tis true. Doesn't matter that mine are organic, just between me and you.
Suckers, Dora bandaids, silly bandz, gum, and Starburst Doesn't matter if what ails them is something that truly hurts. The Mother Load is skilled at bribery and will tempt Abby & Izzy With this drawer in her kitchen filled with goodies to keep small teeth busy. This Not Mommy of the Year has also learned something she will share with you--- It is considered quite wise to have a console like this in your minivan, too.
All this sugar rots my kids' teeth But it quiets them down so I can stop to breathe. And if that doesn't work, why there's always my medicine cabinet Where I can surely find something to help me grin & bear it!
I also admit that when my kids throw a holy hissy fit I am likely to throw up my hands and just say, "Oh shit." I know they will stay up all night and fight, Especially if I'm stewing & they're convinced that they're right.
When Abby cries and gags over her veggies at dinner I eventually throw up my hands and let her be the winner. She gleefully leaves the table and I feed her limp broccoli to the compost bin Because being Not Mommy of the Year means that I am too tired to try and win.
Although I kiss and hug often, I yell a lot, it's true. I want to tear my hair out when it comes to Thing One and Thing Two. Some days seem so long and nothing important gets done. Other days they complain that they've gotten to do nothing fun.
Some nights they are filthy and I'm on my last leg So when "Let's skip a bath tonight, mommy" they beg, I collapse in relief and try not to think of the dirt in the beds. I just sit here and wait for someone to call the Feds.
When The Father Load is working late Or we have a 4 p.m. play date It's common to have breakfast for dinner. Do pancakes with syrup at 7 p.m. make The Mother Load a sinner?
So now you know all about the real me. They say that the truth will set you free. But now I'm a little scared to hear What you must think of me, my dears....
Mary The Mommyologist has come up with the amazing concept of Bringing Mom Sexy Back. I've posted about bringing my own mom sexy back here. It's really struck a chord with me, which is why I jumped right on the bandwagon when she initiated the idea of Mom Sexy Prom. As mothers, many of us lose our mojo and get so wrapped up in the daily grind that we forget who we are, and who we were before we had kids. We're working with Mary Mommyologist to prove that we've still got "IT," and so here's my Mom Sexy Prom post...with a twist!
"I can juggle phone calls While I shine countertops. I can cook a delicious dinner Without wearing my flip-flops!"
"But that is not all I can do!"
Said The Mother Load...
"Look at me!
Look at me now!" said the broad.
"I can bathe Thing One & Thing Two,
Scrub them head to feet.
I'll do it all in my Prom dress and pearls
While missing nery a beat!"
"I can do even more!" Said the Mother Load then. "I can stand tall in my heels And carry two things, or ten!"
"I am the Mom in the Prom," she said with a smile. "I schlep their hula hoops, their books and their ball. I put away the milk, the rake and the clean clothes. In my dress I try to do it all and walk tall!"
But don't forget The Mother Load is green. Every Sunday evening she hoists her blue bin And carries it to the curb Because not recycling is the biggest sin!
Here is your official invitation to The Mommyologist's Prom on Monday, June 21st. Please go visit Mary here for details and to RSVP (scroll down to bottom of the post for prom deets). Please disregard my ridiculous reference to the childhood virus RSV; I was so focused on making sure everything went smoothly. Obviously I meant to say RSVP. But this was the best of all the takes. Oh well!
My prom dress is back from the cleaners and I am so excited for the prom. I hope you will consider going with me so we can BRING MOM SEXY BACK together! If you're not up to speed on the Mom Sexy concept, you have to catch up here immediately. Mary is phenomenal and I love this idea she's come up with.
I am Tickled Pink about so many things I don't even know where to begin! I absolutely adore this Friday tradition that Holly over at 504 Main started a few months ago. Her recent post "Raw, Green, and Feeling Fab" inspired me on so many levels. In addition to being polished and published, Holly is a Green Gal who's really thinking about what she's eating lately. You should check her out, especially that particular post.
Anypink, on with my list!
First, I am Tickled Pink that I won Project Mommyhood's Top Mommy Blogger of the Year Contest! Thank you all so much for your votes, tweets, and support last week. Lesley emailed me to let me know, but she's been a little busy, what with her baby due in 5 weeks and the fact that her hubby just returned from his recent deployment to the Middle East. So stay tuned for further details and a more formal announcement.
I am also Tickled Pink to declare with great pride that since Earth Day in April, I have gone vegetarian. With the exception of eating fish a few times, I have had no meat at all. I'm considering eliminating fish as well. It all started when I watched Food, Inc. (please watch it, if even to just educate yourself). I am also reading Jonathan Safran Foer's Eating Animals.I am really thinking about what I buy, eat, and feed my family. Because of Holly, I am going to try adding greens (spinach, kale, etc) to my morning fruit/protein smoothie. As of this morning, I'm down to 139.4 pounds, the lowest I've been in a loooooong time. I'm not sure if it's due to the new vegetarianism, doing Jillian's 30-Day Shred & Jazzercise, or eating healthier/greener. Probably a combination of all of it, but I'm thrilled!
I'm Tickled Pink that my compost tumbler is already half full and that my little herb garden is thriving. I also started one of those upside down tomato plant growers. If that works out, we will move on to bigger and better things! I also shipped out my Get Your Green On gift pack to the winner from Duck Fest. It was chock full of Envirosax, Beecology products, a reusable coffee cup, Yes To Carrots lip balm, some Twist dish scrubbies, and a few other GREEN things. So of course I had to use the cute lil button Deb and I have. Speaking of Deb, she's got a GREEN post up today too, so please visit Menopausal New Mom now!
I am Tickled Pink about the bloggers I've recently started following over the last several days/weeks. Please check them out and leave 'em some love:
Francis over at This Inspires.Me I first knew her as @hipcop on Twitter. A total sweetheart.
Life Without Pink --Tina, a SAHM of two boys with lots of testosterone.
From Tracie --- Another Gulf Coast Girl, very passionate about the oil spill.
Nucking Futs Mama --hilarious mother of twins.First knew her as @nuckingfutsmama on Twitter.
I am also Tickled Pink to attend The Mommyologist's Prom on Monday, June 21, 2010. If you'd like to learn more about it or be my date (wink, wink), please read all about it here.This prom isabout those dresses that are smooshed and wrinkled up in the back of your closet. It's about proving that even though we're exhausted moms oft covered in snot, poop, and puke, we're still women underneath, and we're HAWT attractive. We don't value ourselves enough and we certainly don't consider ourselves sexy. But on Prom Night, I'm going to don that slinky dress from the dark recesses of my closet instead of hiding behind huge t-shirts, dirty jeans, and stained sweats. This will be my chance to show everyone that I clean up real good. And guess what? I'm not afraid to go stag. I don't need a date to this prom, I'm strong enough to stand alone Spanx and all. I'd be Tickled Pink if you'd join me and RSVP to Mary Mommyologist!
I will be very busy this weekend, as I am a bridesmaid in my college BFF's wedding. So I thought I'd leave you with some entertainment, something mindless and hopefully amusing (and SHORT). Did you know that the secret to successful vlogging lies in your brevity? A lot of people don't bother watching them regardless, but you might be more inclined to view this one since I'm not in it and because it's under two minutes long.
Meet Abby and Izzy.
Abby is apparently digging for gold in her ear and also likes to play copycat. Izzy got bonked on the cheek at school I swear I didn't beat her and was trying to floss her teeth with her fingers. Ahhh, the loveliness of four-year-olds....this video was also taken just before bedtime, so they may look slightly glazed over.
Without further adieu, I give you the girls' brief interview, followed by their audition for Britney Spears.
p.s. For those of you who are clutching your throats in sheer horror and gasping, "She lets her kids listen to Britney? What kind of mother is she?" I'll have you know it's mostly Laurie Berkner, Funky Mama, The Doo Dads, and Mr.Stinky Feet around here. But when I work out and get my Mom Sexy on (go visit The Mommyologist if you have no idea what I'm talking about), I listen to Mommy Music. End of rant.
The Mommyologist has begun a startling new phenomenon in BlogLand---Bringing Mom Sexy Back. In her groundbreaking post on Monday, she broke up with her scale and kicked him to the curb (quite literally) in a one-of-a-kind vlog that will leave you empowered, inspired, and bent over with laughter. While I am not brave enough to hurtle my scale into a forest just yet, I am Bringing Mom Sexy Back with my Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred dvd.
Because my friend Ian over at The Daily Dose of Reality likes to say, "Pics or it never happened," I asked The Father Load to take some photos of my latest shredding experience. Please remember the camera adds ten twenty thirty pounds to remove any small children or elderly people from the room before viewing the pictures below. Like The Mommyologist, I haven't really noticed changes on my scale; however, I am feeling stronger, healthier, and more empowered. Mom Sexy is in da house. And for those of you who like to make fun of my Jazzercise habit (you know who you are!), please note that these are my Jazzercise clothes. There are no legwarmers. More importantly, there is no leotard. And that is not a sweatband, it is a HEADBAND to keep my hair out of my face.
(I'm thinking this is why my knees are killing me---this move is tough!)
(Monster likes to join me during my workouts--I just love dog breath in my face when I'm doing chest flies)
(Are we done yet? Oh, the basketball goal is the best place to hang up hula hoops in case you were wondering)
(Even The Father Load joined me and he is Bringing Dad Sexy Back!)
So here's the rub: unless you are sweating, panting, grunting, trembling, and feeling like you're gonna die, you're not really working out, you are not pushing yourself to your limit; therefore you are notMom Sexy. When I'm giving it everything I've got, I am Bringing Mom Sexy Back. When I'm done---stinky and exhausted and ready to collapse on the couch-- I'm Bringing Mom Sexy Back. I've said farewell to those calories, all that stress, and any feelings of worthlessness motherhood has brought upon me that particular day. I feel good about myself, no matter what the scale said that morning.
But Bringing Mom Sexy Back isn't just about exercise; for me it's also about eating right. I posted last week about my wake-up call from Jessica Gottlieb. In addition to shopping more carefully at the grocery store, I finally forced myself to watch the movie Food, Inc. and I wish I'd done so sooner. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend that you put it in your Netflix queue or head to Blockbuster NOW. It is Mom Sexy to be knowledgeable about the food industry, what is on our plates, and where it's coming from. It is Mom Sexy to educate ourselves so that we and our families can be healthier and kinder to our planet and its species. It is Mom Sexy to explore other options, consider new avenues, and teach our kids about what we're learning along the way.
I am Mom Sexy....when I eat right (most of the time).
I am Mom Sexy....when I exercise regularly.
I am Mom Sexy....when I learn as much as I can every day.
I am Mom Sexy....when I read, listen, and open my mind and heart.
I am Mom Sexy....when I trust myself, love my body, and learn to like what I see in the mirror.
I am Mom Sexy....when I play tag and Duck, Duck, Goose with my kids.
I am Mom Sexy....when I curl up and read Pinkalicious to my kids for the hundredth time.
I am Mom Sexy....even in an worn t-shirt and Gap jeans.
I am Mom Sexy....even if my hair is dirty and I'm tired.
I am Mom Sexy....because it's a feeling that comes from within. It's an attitude I'm adopting. It's a life change. It's being the best mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc. that I can be. It means working hard every day to better myself in so many ways.
But being Mom Sexy also means having patience with myself, not beating myself up if I am not perfect. Rome wasn't built in a day. It starts with one little thing---throwing a scale away, buying a Jillian Michaels dvd, or tossing out all the Twinkies and Ding Dongs. It morphs, stretches and reaches into so many other parts of your life. It's contagious!
Today's the day, folks. Time to link up to Travis over at I Like To Fish!
So while today's tale doesn't truly qualify as a memoir because it just happened over the weekend, I am blatantly ignoring disregarding the rules of the genre and posting anyway. Because I'm a rebel like that.
The Mommyologist did a post last week about Bringing Mom Sexy Back. If you haven't done so already, please read it here. Ladies and gents, The Mother Load brought Sexy Mom back Saturday night. In a big way. And I have the dirt photos to prove it. I wore makeup (shocker), my new earrings and I even ditched my tennis shoes for a pair of black booties. I dared to wear a slinky Banana Republic top that's been hiding in the back of my closet for over a year with the tags still on it. I shook my money maker and belted out the lyrics to Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" although I can't carry a tune and sound like a sick cat when I sing. I really wanted to do Madonna's "Material Girl," but I was out voted. Which was too bad because I was totally channeling Madge Saturday night. I might've even sounded better singing something I've known all the words to since I was nine. Oh well---next time, maybe (if there is a next time!).
My other Bringing Mom Sexy Back friends were right up there with me. We bonded over beer and a bad karaoke band. They didn't even have the tv's, man. No little ball bouncing over the lyrics. We had to strain and squint at a single piece of paper we all had to share. Not the ideal karoake situation, to be sure. But we didn't care because we were the shit.
"Since I’d gotten over that initial “new-kid-in-school” first night fear, I was able to get into a better groove and let my guard down a little more last night. Actually, I think I let my guard down a LOT. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but as soon as Shakira started playing over the speakers, a feeling of empowerment came over me, and in that moment I went from being a stay-at-home mom with A-cup breasts, a bit of a muffin-top, and a dimpled tush to a complete and total sex symbol."
I really related to this. I'm not Karaoke Girl. I'm not Slinky Top Girl. I'm not Makeup and Skinny Jeans Girl, either. I'm usually Dirty Sweatpants Mommy, Three-Days-Since-I-Showered-Mommy and Mommy Who Yells A Lot. But Saturday night I threw that baggage out the window along with my sports bra. I put on that Mom Sexy persona. I walked the walk and talked the talk--for a little while. And you know what?
