Showing posts with label guest post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guest post. Show all posts

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Laughter That Makes Tea Come Out of Your Nose

Today Elaine from The Miss Elaine-ous Life is taking over my blog!

The Miss Elaine-ous Life

Elaine is a bloggy friend who was one of my first followers. She's an amazing mom to three gorgeous children, and I'm jealous because she now lives in my home state (Louisiana). She recently moved there from Texas, so it's been an adjustment, but she's dealt with it really well. I adore her blog and she's definitely one to follow. You can also find her on Twitter here. Without further adieu, I give you the intelligent, witty and kind Elaine!

As we approach the holidays I've been thinking about my family.


And when I say "my family," I mean my parents and my brothers. The people I grew up with, the ones who raised me and that I was raised with.

I cried like a child earlier at the preview episode of the show Find My Family. For some reason (and I honestly don't know why) the whole subject of adoption and people being separated from their siblings and parents makes me bawl every time. It's the reunion part that really gets me. I truly cannot imagine the feeling of coming face-to-face with the parents who gave you up and looking into the eyes that are also yours, for the very first time as an adult.

It's completely heart-wrenching to me. I suppose because my family means SO VERY much to me.

When I think about my childhood I remember Friday night fried chicken, fun birthday parties, visiting my grandparents a lot, loving school, shopping at the mall with my mother, sleep-overs with my best girlfriends, holidays with lots of food and presents, going to church with my parents and so MANY other good memories.

But in a way, as I got older (and so did my brothers - who are all several years older than I am) I was sort of like an only child. Therefore, the earlier childhood memories I do have with my brothers are pretty special.

I remember my middle brother Chris comforting me one night after my mother and I fought. He surrounded me on my bed with stuffed animals and made me laugh instead of cry.

When I was in high school my brother Larry would still occasionally eat dinner with us and most nights it would end in crazy laughter. There were many times that my mother could not control herself and as things escalated one evening, iced tea came out of her nose. All four of us (me, my mother, my father and my brother) were laughing so hard that we could hardly catch our breath.

These are the kind of memories I want my children to have. I want them to remember laughing around the dinner table and happy times together.

I may even be willing to make tea come out of my nose to make it happen.

And just for the heck of it, here's an old little joke/rhyme my mother used to tell that still makes me giggle. Partly because I can hear her say it and picture her as she starts to laugh before she even finishes the second line...

"Farmer Brown went to town with a bale of Hay

Mr. Martin came a fartin' and blew it all away!"

You're welcome... ; )

**Comments are off because I want you to go over to Elaine's place and leave her some love there!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Stop Self-Defeating Thoughts With This Amazing FREE Program!

My dear friend Cherry Woodburn, the brainchild behind the blog Borderless Thinking, is launching an impressive FREE email series that begins tomorrow (Wednesday). Once you register (which is quick and easy via her site) you'll receive an email once a week for the next five weeks which will radically change the way you view yourself and your future. I've already signed up, and encourage you to do so as well. In fact, I'm so confident that you'll enjoy Cherry's program that I'm going to give you a gift if you join me/us (remember: it's FREE, it's an email that comes to you each week--you don't have to GO anywhere, PAY anything, or sign your life away). If Cherry confirms that you've registered, you'll get to ask me one question, whatever you want make it good. And I will either blog or vlog the answers in the near future. Go on. Embarrass me. Make me look like a fool it's not hard, people . On that note, please welcome Cherry Woodburn!


These days, and for many years now, I can say with ease:


• I’m smart.
• I'm confident in my abilities.
• I’m a good problem solver.
• I say no.
• I make friends easily.
• I’m willing to take risks.
• I’m worth showering myself with self-care.
• I’ve learned to tame my inner shrew: http://bit.ly/bIQyst

Although I believe in myself, I’m not perfect. And I want to be completely honest with you: I’m struggling with getting older. I haven’t yet tamed the voice of the inner shrew-on-aging. I hear her in the cold, stark reality of morning light when I put on eyeliner and use my index finger to pull my skin away from the side of my eye for ease of application, and release my finger only to have the skin decide to stay out there for a bit of a rest. Then slowly, almost begrudgingly, my beloved piece of skin, that’s been with me all my life, decides to make its way back to the place where it started. The shrew-on-aging lets me know that, like a dried up white rubber band, my skin’s just not holding things together the way it used to.

For the first time in my life I’ve reached an age which I have trouble saying out loud. My brain (vs. the resident shrew-on-aging who’s bribed and owned by the media) KNOWS that I am succumbing to a society-induced dis-ease. And I need some support to stop succumbing.

So this old lady is hoping to enlist your support by providing the following information I wish I’d known sooner.

1. Old is a relative term.
    a. When you’re 30, you suddenly understand that 25 is young.
    b. When you’re 40 you chuckle at the 30-year-olds that are complaining about looking older.
    c. When you’re 50 you realize you’ll never feel “your age” because you spent your life with misconceptions about what 50, or any age older than you are, feels like.
   d. When you’re 60 you realize that you definitely have wrinkles and that when you’re 70 or 80 or 90 you’ll look back and think how great you looked and felt with them.

2. Cosmetic surgery has taken away the level playing field. We aren't all aging together or “at the same rate”. That can make the body-signs of aging more challenging to accept.
    a. That being said, don’t start with the procedures because there will always be another procedure you could have, and another one and another one. There will also always be someone you can compare yourself too (like the plastic surgeon that goes to the same yoga studio I do) that looks younger because she’s had more procedures. Comparison is never a wise idea.
    b. The cosmetic & cosmetic surgery industries are making HUGE profits off of your fear of getting older.
    c. The industries play on that fear with ads, ads and more ads telling you you’re not good enough the way you are. “Look younger!” they shout to women of any age.
    d. You’re still 20, or 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 or 80 years old no matter how much botox etc. is keeping your face and neck wrinkle-free.
    e. Gloves will have to come back into fashion all year round to hide the proof-is-in-the-hands. Do you really want to be wearing white gloves in the summer?

3. Old is just a word, like short or tall are. Old does not inherently have a negative meaning.
    a. It’s time to venerate the older generations for the stories and experience they have.
    b. You will one day become that older generation.
    c. If you don’t become old, it’s because you died.

Aging really is a gift. I realize it more and more. I’m alive to see my grandchildren; to pass on the love and lack of rules that grandparents are supposed to do.

Granted I still have to contend with the image that some of the younger generations have that people, particularly women, of the age of 60 don’t have a lot to offer. They’re wrong. So I’m asking you to join me in a huge Fuck You to a culture that says there’s something wrong with living. Because living equals aging.

I invite you to sign up for a free 5-week program I designed to help other women get on the path to increased self-esteem. For more information, click here: http://borderlessthinking.com/are-you-limiting-yourself/

To contact Cherry:
http://borderlessthinking.com

http://cherrywoodburn.wordpress.com/
http://twitter.com/cherrywoodburn
http://blogtalkradio.com/cherrywoodburn

Friday, September 24, 2010

I'm Tickled Pink to have Francis taking over my blog today!


Today I'm TICKLED PINK to let Francis take over my blog! I met her on Twitter (she's @hipcop) a while ago, and my life hasn't been the same since. She is consistently kind, generous, and full of compliments for everyone. She was in the navy for several years and is now a SAHM who loves running, nature, and John Grisham. Her blog, This Inspires Me, is a treat, and every time I stop by to read, it makes me feel good. So let's roll out the red carpet and give Francis the warm welcome she deserves!

Francis & her husband in Maui

Hi! My name is Francis Anderson and I am SO honored to be invading "The Mother Load." I am a proud and happy stay-at-home-mom to two gorgeous boys. My loving husband Rob puts up with me (I mean loves me) and encourages me in all I do! I live in Texas ;)

When did you start blogging and why?

I began blogging in March of this year. I was motivated to get my blog running to enter a Mabel Label's contest that I didn't win! My blog theme is inspiration and I blog about people and events that inspire me. I blog because I love people. I love hearing about personal journeys, successes, and amazing individual efforts. I love to learn.

What advice do you have for bloggers?

I learn from my mistakes. I am not a writer but I am having fun. Following a lot of different blogs has also taught me to not limit my content. Don't be afraid to try something new.

What has and hasn't worked for you?

What has worked for me is getting involved in the blogging community. I only use 'Twitter' and devote a lot of time promoting my blog there. I am always looking for blogs to read and comment on. I love leaving comments that spark conversation and get the bloggers to respond to me!

What hasn't worked for me is patience! I just assumed if I did a blog everyone would love it! ;) Not sure why I'm not super successful (kidding)! I'm too new and just learning as I go.

A funny story you would tell me if I met you.

I was in the Navy. I have always loved risk and adventure. I outdid myself one day by diving off the side of the ship during swim call. With 300 people watching I landed the worst belly flop ever that still hurts when I think about it! My belly is permanently red!

When you get writer's block how do you snap out of it?

I read. I visit the library, blogs, and I Google interesting words. I change the radio station in the car to see if a song will inspire me to write. I look up a calender in Google to see what events in history happened during this time.

What inspires you?

People. I love how we are all different and have our own stories. We can learn a lot from each other.

What is the BEST advice you ever received?

Life is what you make of it. I learned this in the Navy during a depressing day. I have never forgotten those words.

What crazy memory makes you laugh?

I was camping with my boyfriend (now husband) in Sedona when we heard footsteps in the dark and thought we were getting attacked by a bear. He valiantly looked me in the eyes and said "I love you" very "Brave Heart" style with a log in his hand ready to fight the bear. It turned out to be a cow! Still makes me laugh 11 years later!

I met Erin and fell in love with her blog. She has been supportive, encouraging, and very fun to follow! I am a huge fan of her and her blog. Thanks Erin!

Ways to follow me:

I blog here: http://thisinspires.me/

Follow me on Twitter here: http://twitter.com/hipcop

Monday, September 20, 2010

Honored to be guest posting....

I am honored today to be guest posting here about our recent trip to Aspen. We had a wonderful time, and please stop by to read my first blurb published elsewhere! Comments are off. Please comment over there!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Nancy at Away We Go Tickles Me Pink!

Have you met Nancy from Away We Go? She Tickles Me Pink! I'm thrilled to be playing along again today with Holly over at 504 Main. She writes:

"The tickling pink concept is of enjoyment great enough to make the recipient glow with pleasure."
-The Phrase Finder

Well my friends, Nancy fits the bill. Her writing astounds me. She thrills me with her submissions to the Red Dress Club, which you can check out here, here, and here. A master of the short story and the written word, she also blogs often about her darling son Joel:

dontcha just wanna eat him up?

Anywhoo, I'm taking a bit of a bloggy break, so I thought I'd let Nancy https://twitter.com/AwayWeGoNancy on Twitter) take the wheel for a bit. She's wonderful and I'm so grateful our paths have crossed! Read on & be sure to stop by her place and follow along.
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I'm Nancy, the proud proprietor of Away We Go. I have been blogging since October 2008. This makes me an authority on exactly nothing, but nevertheless, I feel a need to pound out my "blogging philosophy."

I am hardly an expert. I don't have a million followers, nor do I make a red cent off my ramblings. On most days, I'm okay with that.

Don't get me wrong. I do care. I care deeply. Every time I see the blinking green light on my phone, my pulse races a bit. Somebody read what I wrote! Somebody had a response! I am not talking to myself in a corner! Yay for staying on this side of sane!

I guess that's how I know that I am a writer---I am unapologetically needy. I need that response. I need that connection. Feed me! Love me!

So, besides my rampant narcissism, why do I blog?

Writing A Present

One of my favorite writers, Anne Lamott, talks about writing a present. She discusses writing stories for family members and dear friends, recording their truths, their struggles, and their moments of heartbreaking beauty.

I didn't write when my first-born was an infant, and those memories are murky. I will never be able to share my birth stories with perfect clarity. Those candles have burnt out, leaving only hazy smoke.
I don't want to forget my life. It's more than that. I want to relive those moments.

That is the gift of writing. I get to live my life, and then recreate it when I place it on paper.

It's the closest thing to magic that I know.

When I write about a morning at the playground, I experience that perfect joy once again. I pump my legs, feel the wind in my hair, and soar into the heavens. My keyboard is a time machine. I believe that.
And, best of all, it's all there for my kids to discover someday.

Digging out the Fossils

Stephen King, in his masterful book On Writing, compares writing fiction to digging out a fossil. Through time, revision, practice, and thinking, the character and plot reveal themselves. You don't see a dinosaur right away.

I often have a difficult time figuring out my feelings. I'll stew or fall into a funk or yell at my husband. I won't know why. Writing has helped me do this less often.
Writing is therapy, helping me dig through the dirt and debris to find my dinosaur. Sometimes, writer's block is a sign that I'm digging in the wrong spot, and the dinosaur is waiting elsewhere. I can't write anything until I dig the damn thing up.

This doesn't mean that I publish everything. Sometimes the writing in itself is enough. However, I do believe that there is beauty and truth in sharing struggles. Some of my best posts come from fossil hunting.

No Guilt

When it comes to blogging, I've made these choices. Other people may make different choices. They may very well have more success and more readers. This is what works for me as of now.

1. I only do memes when they inspire me. Meaning, I prefer the open-ended prompts as opposed to the Q&A formats. I do them when I like, and feel no guilt when I don't.

2. I comment and respond the best I can. I have a two hour writing window when my kids nap. I do what I can do during that window, and if I don't get to it, I feel no guilt.

3. I don't do following memes or join societies designed to gain new followers. I want people to read my blog because they like what I have to say.

4. I write every day because I need to write to clear my head. That doesn't mean I publish. I'm trying to create quality work, and therefore publish 3-4 times a week.

5. If I am thinking more about the world of blogging than my day-to-day life, it's a sign from the universe that it's time to step back a bit.

These words are just mine, and dashed off words at that. But these words---

It is necessary to write, if the days are not to slip emptily by. How else, indeed, to clap the net over the butterfly of the moment? For the moment passes, it is forgotten; the mood is gone; life itself is gone. That is where the writer scores over his fellows: he catches the changes of his mind on the hop.
~Vita Sackville-West
---Nothing truer has ever been written.

Blog boldly, friends.

Friday, September 3, 2010

The Empress of Good Day Regular People Tickles Me Pink!


Today I'm collaborating with Holly of 504 Main. I'm highlighting one of my favorite bloggers, The Empress. Her blog, Good Day, Regular People, Tickles Me Pink. You can find her on Twitter via @GDRPempress. Alexandra has blown me away most recently with her hysterical three-part series on "When Someone You Love Has a Blog," which you can read here, here, & here. I identify with her so much it's rather scary. She is brilliant, kind, and an incredible writer. Because she Tickles Me Pink, I asked her if she would do me the honor of guest posting, and she kindly agreed. So without further adieu, I give to you The Empress! I'm certain you'll love her as much as I do!

Commisery Loves Company  by The Empress at Good Day Regular People




Commiseration. Yes, sometimes commiseration can be the best solution.

I have been thinking about the blogs I frequent often, the ones I jump up to check on each day. What keeps me returning there? Why do I like them and look forward to their posting? It's what I find there: moods that match my own on some days, other days it's a place where "they get it." I don't want answers to my problems, I just want to be somewhere where it's OK to be who I am. With no feelings of needing to impress, or pretend to be something I'm really not.

I've read that "water seeks its own level" and "water seeks the path of least resistance." And that is what a "blogfriend" does. They're easy, they get you, they know what you like. When we find ourselves complaining, or feeling short ended on this life gig sometimes (we're only human, right?) it's strangely and curiously uplifting to find someone muddling through, too. There is something about the "safety" you feel at a favorite blog. You can be comfortable in your reaction and your response, and what you say in the little square box, because you know that there can be a difference in opinion, and you're still good.

Sometimes, we just want to be understood. Sometimes, we don't want a solution. We just want to nod "yes, yes, yes" and let that be all there is to it. And laughing along in recognition of it all lightens the load. So does tearing up at a post they may write that cuts right to your heart.

You can't really describe chemistry, or put a formula to why you feel drawn to a specific blogger and their site. If we could, we could all buy the book and begin blogs and sell them later for mega grande dollars, or at least a few thousand.

You can't really figure out how you find your "tribe," your group of women that make up your daily life as much as your family and co workers, and physical friends do.

You begin blogging one day, and then little by little, and one by one, you meet people that bring joy to your life, people who make you smile excitedly when you see it's them on comments, or in an email, or a tweet, or the sweetest of all: "a direct message to you from..." on twitter.

I think we all just want to belong to a part of something larger than what we have just physically around us, we want to be accepted, and be the larger collective of what we are like, what is important to us. Finding our values and sharing what is dear to us, tethers and binds us to others. We no longer feel alone, and misunderstood, a stranger in a strange land.

There are times, yes, when we truly want a fix, a solution, resources, help, ideas...but there are, more often than not, just times when we only want to hear, "me, too!" Times when we want to know that someone misses our presence in their life that day. We want to know that we matter, and that someone likes us being part of their world. It's nice to know that someone is thinking of us when they wrote a post. It's nice to know that we, also, have somewhere to go with feelings we have inside, or news we want to share, or when we need someone to listen at 1:00 a.m.

Commiseration, sometimes just the sweet balm we need, and no more.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Guest Post via My Brother Mark: Katrina + 5

On the night of Sunday, August 22, 2010, I tucked my four-and-a-half year old daughter in her bed, kissed her forehead and turned out the lights. About 20 minutes later, a thunderstorm blew through the area. The intense lightning put on quite a show. When a bolt struck close by, and the powerful KA-BOOOOOOM rattled the windows a half-second later, my wife and I were not surprised when the little one's voice called "Daddy! Mommy!"

We spoke to her softly and calmly.

"It's just a little lightning and thunder, honey. The bright lights and the loud noises aren't going to hurt you. It's kind of fun, actually, to count the seconds between the flash and the boom. You're safe and sound here in the house with us. We're right down the hall, and we'll come check on you in a little while." We gave a few more hugs and kisses before making our way back down the hall.

"Daddy?" she called again.

We poked our heads back around the doorway.

"What if the storm gets soooooo big?" she asked.

My wife and I exchanged glances.

"This is just a little storm, honey. It's not a big one."

"But what if it's like the big storm that hit Ne-worlins?"

My heart sank. You should never, ever, know what that is like, I thought.

As a parent, you do your best to ease your child's fears. "There are no such things as monsters." "It was just a movie; it was just pretend." "Don't be scared, I'm going to catch you." But what do you say when it comes to the worst natural disaster in the nation's history? If a small child really knows about Katrina, how could she ever really feel safe in a storm?

If she'd seen the people on the rooftops screaming for help, surrounded by rising water, could I tell her that something like that will never happen to us? If she'd heard about the hundreds of family pets left to drown, would I really be able to reassure her that our dog will be okay in the house by himself during a storm while she is at school?

What if she'd seen the video of Lee Ann Bemboom, the woman at the Convention Center holding her lethargic, overheated baby boy slumped over her arm: "Look how hot he is; he's not waking up very easy!" After seeing that, would my daughter believe me if I told her she'll always be safe in my arms?

What if she'd seen all of her belongings...ALL of her stuffed animals, blankets, shirts, skirts, shorts, shoes, dresses, hats, hair-ties, books, games, paints, crayons, easels, movies and dollies...covered in mold, and mud...and diesel fuel...and feces.

Or worse.

What if she'd returned to the place where her house and all of her things had once been? What if she'd stood on the concrete steps that just recently had ended at a familiar front porch? What if all she could see from the top step was mud and weeds? What if she had turned and asked, "Daddy, where is my room? I want our house back!"

Make no mistake, in late 2005 little ones all over the Gulf Coast tearfully pleaded with their mommies and daddies in just that way. And I'm sure every single parent choked back a levee breach of tears, put on their most stoic face, held their child close and said:

"Baby, it's okay. Everything is fine. You're going to have a new room with new toys really soon. I promise."

Not one of them said, "Storms are nothing to be scared of."

At Katrina +5, New Orleanians look at the numbers: the population, the number of blighted houses remaining, number of reopened schools, number of hospitals, recovery dollars remaining. We look at the calendar: the weeks left until hurricane season is over, the upcoming anniversary of the day we moved into our new homes, and for the unlucky, remembrance of the day fathers, mothers, and children took their last breaths.

At Katrina +5, for those of us with young children, we keep the numbers and the dates to ourselves. For our kids, August 29, 2010 just means beignets for breakfast and one last trip to the store for school supplies. The little ones aren't going to notice the extra church bells ringing to mark the moment of each of the levee breaches. They aren't going to watch the TV specials. They aren't going to read the section in the Times Picayune dedicated to storm stories. And if we can help it, they aren't going to see us crying.

I try to tell myself that I'll explain everything to our little girl when she's old enough to understand it all. I say that I'll tell her when she's able to hear about it without being traumatized. But then I remember.

I still don't understand. And I still get scared.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Guest Post via The Crazy Baby Mama : The Rabbit & the Rabbi

Please welcome Sarah, The Crazy Baby Mama, (@_CrazyBabyMama_ on Twitter, don't forget the underscores!) who has agreed to a little cross-pollination today! Below you will find one of her most hilarious posts, and if you hop over to her blog today, you'll find one of mine there. Me love Sarah long time. I've followed her forever, and I have the utmost respect for her as a writer. I'm quite sad because she's abandoning me moving to Israel this winter, but thankfully through the internetz we'll be able to keep in touch.
Please note that if you are sensitive to discussions of a bris or battery-operated sex toys, you should skip this. But I encourage you to relax a bit and read on!
So folks, I give you....SARAH! The Crazy Baby Mama!
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DISCLAIMER: Dear Dad -- If you somehow manage to stumble on this story, I suggest you check out http://www.funwithtrains.com/ instead. Thank you. Love, Your Daughter.


Anyway, ladies, I may have some bad news: While having sex during pregnancy is generally fine, using a vibrator may be a little more risky. While it's true that most health care practitioners say that if you're having a normal, low-risk pregnancy then you can go to town with your iRabbit, but, if you're prone toward any uterine irritability then you should probably considering retiring that plastic bad boy for a few months. You see, no matter how incredible and mind-blowing your partner may be in bed (or in the backseat of a car, or in the shower, or on a pool table), orgasms from a vibrator are... well... more electrifying. Sorry B. It's nothing personal: Anything battery operated that pulsates like 1000 times a second is bound to deliver the goods harder and faster. And, because of the way vibrators are built, they increase your chances of having very strong, incredibly intense contractions.

(Seriously, Dad, http://www.funwithtrains.com/)


Since I was a hyper-neurotic crazy pregnant lady, I had said goodbye to my neon purple friend as soon as I found out I was knocked-up with Little Homie. But, now that he’s here safe and sound, and now that I’m forbidden from putting anything up into my lady business until Doctor B gives me the green light at my postpartum checkup, my iRabbit has made its triumphant return to my bedside drawer. See? There is no such thing as too much information.

Anyway, on Little Homie’s 8th day of life -- in accordance with the laws of Moses and the people Israel and because B is adamant that his son’s penis match his-- we invited our close family over for his Bris.

For the past few months, we scoured synagogues and two different Benihana restaurants for the perfect mohel to perform the ceremony, until someone reminded me that our family Rabbi had trained as a mohel and wielded a scalpel with a slow hand and an easy touch.

Now, I've known and loved this Rabbi since I was just a few years older than The Girl and Little Homie: He presided over all the services my parents and I went to when I was growing up. He told the best Jewish scary stories at sleep-away camp. He officiated at my Bat Mitzvah, and my mom's funeral. He was there to give the blessing at The Girl’s Simchat Bat. He's more than just a Rabbi to us -- he's part of our extended family. And, I felt better knowing that we were entrusting our son’s penis to someone we already knew than some stranger off the street.

Well, given my ridiculously intense paranoia concern about germs affecting my newborn baby boy, as the guests trickled in on the morning of the Bris, Little Homie and I hung out in the bedroom awaiting the arrival of our Rabbi.

"Ok, what does this have to do with vibrators?" I hear you cry.

Don’t worry. I’ll get there. I’m just taking the scenic route.

The Rabbi arrived and joined us in the bedroom. He greeted us with many "Mazel Tovs," and we got down to business. After we discussed the order of the speakers for the ceremony, the Rabbi stood up and said he needed a pen and paper to write it all down. Before I could stop him, he reached over to open the bedside drawer.

As cliche as it sounds, it really was like the whole thing happened in slow motion. I tried to block him, but I was still a little unstable with the baby in my arms. So, I had to make a fast decision: Either I drop Little Homie on the floor and keep my flysecrets hidden in the bedside drawer, or I sacrifice my dignity while keeping my son safe and sound. Well, Hasta La Vista, Dignity. Vaya Con Dios.

The Rabbi grabbed the knob, and pulled, and for a blessed moment, it seemed like the drawer wouldn't budge. But, with a mighty tug, the Rabbi yanked the drawer open, and in the process, managed to activate the iRabbit's on-switch. Whirring, buzzing, and gyrating, unlike so many smaller, more discreet models, this vibrator leaves very little to the imagination: it comes complete with a fairly girthy shaft, a well-formed glans, and -- YES -- it even appears to be circumcised. While the neon purple tempers things a little, it doesn't help much.

Well, the Rabbi quickly slammed the drawer shut, and we both pretended that we couldn't hear the rhythmic buzzing as we continued to discuss the upcoming ceremony. Little Homie survived his bris without any apparent physical or emotional trauma. In fact, he slept through the whole thing, cooing softly when the Rabbi placed a tiny droplet of the ruby red wine on his sweet baby lips. I, on the other hand, like every other mama of a Jewish baby boy, wept, my head buried in The Girl’s curls while we welcomed my son into the Covenant.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes....A la Mother Load

You've hopefully been admiring my fantabulous makeover courtesy of  Bloggy Blog Designz (@BBDesignz on Twitter). Jenna is wonderful to work with, despite being down with a broken foot. I knew what I wanted and she helped me bring my ideas to fruition. Although I've already managed to accidentally delete my buttons, Jenna will have them back in their proper position in no time. This cool gal often hosts giveaways, so if your wallet's a little light and you want to tweak a few things, or even if you want a whole new look, be sure to head on over to her place and see what prizes she has up for grabs. Thank you, Jenna, for my awesome new look and for putting up with me!

These aesthetic changes reflect what's been going on inside, and the direction I want my blog to go in. I'm veering off the path of memes, posts lacking interesting material, and I'm certainly not blogging daily. I firmly believe in quality, not quantity, though I'm sure some of you disagree with me. I don't write unless I've got something to say, which I think should be one of blogging's Golden Rules.

The Ninja Blogger graciously agreed to post for me on Monday, and if you missed her insights, please go here. Tomorrow The Crazy Baby Mama will be guest posting, and I have to warn you---if you are easily offended or prefer not to read about a bris, a vibrator, and the female anatomy, you may want to skim or skip; but if you do, you'll be missing out on some of Sarah's best work! So I encourage you to come back tomorrow. And because we are nearing the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, my brother will be guest posting this weekend. I am enjoying an unofficial bloggy break and letting my brain recharge a bit.

I'll leave you with a link to something I wrote here 2+ years ago before I had honed my mad blogging skillz, before I had any followers, and before I realized that no one was reading but I didn't care because it was strictly an emotional outlet. But it's funny, and my friend Meg tells me that this post always makes her laugh. I give you, "My Dear Husband."

See you back here tomorrow for Sarah's post on vibrators!

Monday, August 23, 2010

The Ninja Blogger Takes Over The Mother Load (Cross-Pollination)

**First off, don't run away! You're in the right place. I've just gotten a lovely new look from the awesome Jenna over at Bloggy Blog Designz. Like what she's done here (she did my last makeover as well!)? Be sure to go check her out and enter some of her giveaways!**


This week I'm cross-pollinating with some bloggers I adore. Today's post is from the one, the only, The Ninja Blogger! She's so popular that she was featured last week at The Crazy Baby Mama. If you need a laugh, you should go read that post right here. I'm tickled pink that she agreed to post at my place today. She's a mama, a writer, and she hates Crocs. I think I love her. You should also follow her on twitter: @TheNinjaBlogger. She rocks my socks off with her candor and honesty. Please visit her and tell her I said hello. Maybe if you're super sweet, she'll guest post for you, too!

Without further adieu, I give you:

What I’ve Learned from Blogging by The Ninja Blogger

I have learned so many things from blogging.

I have learned to find humor in so many of life's little things. Whether it is my husband, kids, driving, grocery shopping, cooking or internet surfing, I am finding humor everywhere now, and good blog material.

I have learned to work out my problems in a concise way. By writing about what is going on in my life, it makes me stop and think about how I feel and how to dispel it so that I will feel better.

I have learned how to put myself out there by joining in things, even if it is virtual; it is a step in the right direction. I am still not brave enough to attend a conference, but I will get there one day.

I am learning how to express myself in a way that hopefully appeals to everyone who reads me.

I have learned that spell check is my friend. I use it often.

I have learned that if you call out stalkers, they go away.

I have learned that even in the blogosphere you can make very close friends.

I have learned that I do have an addictive personality. I am addicted to blogging.

I have learned that if you host a giveaway and for an extra entry a person can join/follow your blog, that doesn't mean it increases your readership or comments, it's just that someone wants an extra entry.

I have learned that not everyone comments back, no matter how many times you leave comments or how many days in a row you leave them on their blog.

I have learned that I am a voyeur.

I have learned that my butt starts to fall asleep when I sit at the computer for too long.

I have learned how grateful I am to have this outlet.

I have learned how to find my sanity again, and for that I am most grateful.

Thanks to everyone who reads, listens, glances, comments, follows, stays, leaves and likes my daily rants, raves, praises, sorrows, sarcasm and life!

What have YOU learned from blogging?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Today You Can Find Me Over at Say Anything (Sorry it's not John Cusack related)

** Don't forget to enter my GO GREEN FOR SPRING giveaway! Ends THURSDAY!


I have to give a shout out to Alexes over at One Cluttered Brain! She thought I was cool enough to be  interviewed over at Say Anything today. Say Anything is the brainchild of Dee, a.k.a. The Redheaded Stepchild. Make sure you go and visit them both, tell them I sent you. I'm late posting this because apparently I'm an idiot and got my dates confused. Thought my post wouldn't be up til tomorrow. Oops! Anyway, you can read my interview here.



Friday, February 19, 2010

How To Achieve Comment Utopia

I am guest posting today over at Lee's CCWA blog on How to Achieve Comment Utopia. Like I'm some expert or something! Go check it out when you have a chance!


**Comments have been turned off.**

Monday, December 28, 2009

Japanese Toilets Come to Christmas at My Dad's House --Guest Post by my brother, Kevin

**I must preface this by saying that my dad and his partner, Kory, visited Japan a while back and fell in love with the toilets there, which normal people like us would describe as bidets. They loved them so much in fact, that when they recently moved to their new home in Mississippi, they installed several of them. Pictured is the control panel for said toilets. Sadly the flash impairs your ability to read the orange button, but all you need know for the sake of this guest post is that it reads, "STOP!" Read on for my brother Kevin's review of these novel items. Yours truly was too afraid to try them out, but I knew I could count on Kevin. While you all know I love being green and this contraption eliminates the need for toilet paper, I just can't seem to climb on board. Would love to know your thoughts. Thank you, Kevin!




Gross. Disgusting. Revolting. Repulsive. Trained from an early age to confine bowel movements to prison cells of embarrassment built with bricks of shame, it’s no small wonder that some people - mainly dudes - actually grow to appreciate the art of defecation. Being such a dude, I relished the opportunity to refine my excretory experience during the Christmas holiday.


I arrived at my dad’s house in Hattiesburg as the obnoxious nuclear explosion of morning light settled into a far more acceptable afternoon radiance. Waking up before noon weathers away the soul, sure and steady as the wave conquers the rock. But Christmas Day would provide a pleasant (mostly) distraction from such negative morning analogies in the form of my squealing, smiling, crying, and giggling twin nieces. Their youthful exuberance kept everyone busy throughout the day until dinner. The piping hot, butter-rich holiday meal was devoured and little four-year-old girl toots signaled its satisfying conclusion.

At this point, the 27 year-old man gas in my stomach foreshadowed a momentous and potentially impressive waste evacuation. As if she sensed the impending destruction, my dear sister, awestruck by the complexity of the control panel, nay, command console, in the downstairs water closet, double-dared me to test drive the Japanese mechatoilet. Why not use a regular toilet the reader might ask? A lesser man might have done just that, but I am my father’s son and his sense of adventure and exploration is now my own. I would see that inheritance done proper and magnificent justice.

I number two’d in the classical manner and it was indeed of substantial consequence. Let me describe the aftermath and the toilet’s role in the ensuing reconstruction.

Things do not always work out the way in which one would expect. For example, I would expect a smart toilet to understand the delicacy of my chode. Perhaps some men and women are born with steel perineums and are referred to as Japanese. Mine, however, is constructed of mere flesh and sensitive nerve endings. Therefore, a default setting of maximum warp for the built-in bidet is not recommended for the average American user. Furthermore, the rear cleansing button showed a small one legged and armless man’s flat ass being softly sprayed by water droplets. Dots signify droplets. Perhaps the manufacturer failed to find clip-art for relentless fire hydrant-style butt-shower of pain. To be fair, one can adjust the pressure, but I wanted to experience the full measure of this device. One should keep his or her finger firmly planted on the STOP button when testing its limits. As for “Front Cleansing”...what is it for? I assume it’s only for girls because it wasn’t comfortable and I would prefer not to elaborate. The dryer, however, was the saving grace of the contraption. Like an angel whispering into your butt, the terrible memory of the abusive fire hydrant and its subsequent disastrous flood was all but erased by this angelic voice. The experience came to a conclusion and I exited the lavatory a cleaner and wiser man.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Kelly from Speaking From the Crib & The Mother Load-- are Schlepping From the Synagogue!

I helped Kelly over at Speaking From the Crib with a Hanukkah-related post for today. Go check her out & see! I have really enjoyed working with Kelly. She is so sweet & thoughtful and I love that she was curious about Hanukkah. Hanukkah begins this Friday evening and we're super excited. Anyway, go see her, follow her (if you aren't already) and feel the bloggy love!!

Winner of my second GO GREEN GIVEAWAY will be announced later today. Busy morning around here! So stay tuned.

Friday, November 13, 2009

When the Saints Go Marching In....

Good morning my lovely readers,

This morning I have a very special guest post to share with you. My younger brother, Mark, wrote it. As many of you know, I am from New Orleans. Mark still lives there. On the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina in August, I blogged about my family's losses. You can view those posts here and here. Mark's photos from his home are here. I have to say I think he's written a really wonderful post, and I'm not even a football fan. But this is about so much more than football. Please read on. I think Mark should consider starting his own blog. Of course, I'd be happy if he just wanted to guest post here every so often....

___________________________________

There are a lot of places where the local sports team hasn’t “won the big one.” And in a lot of those places, fans still love their team, still cheer for them year in and year out, and they remain optimistic about “next year.” They want to feel what it’s like to win THE big game; to scream at the top of their lungs; to be filled with overwhelming happiness and euphoria, and to proudly raise their index fingers in the air while chanting their fight song or catch phrase. They don’t know what it’s like. They’ve seen it happen to other teams, but they can’t really understand. New Orleans Saints fans are the exception to the rule. See, even though the Saints have never won the Super Bowl, we know what all of those things feel like.


Hurricane Katrina did a number on the Superdome. It took about a year to repair the water damage from the storm and the destruction caused by the panicked crowd who stayed within the Dome without electricity or plumbing. I imagine it took a long time to remove the putrid smell of raw sewage and death. The Saints spent over a year without playing at home in the Dome.


On September 25, 2006, the Dome was finally reopened. That Monday night, the Saints took on the Atlanta Falcons as all of America watched (you DID watch didn’t you?). I’m sure your average out-of-towner thought, “Wow, I’ll bet the crowd will be excited.” They had no idea.


Picture losing everything. EVERYTHING. Your house destroyed. Your photo albums ruined. Your car totaled. Your job gone. Your friends and family scattered…or worse. Picture YOUR neighborhood, YOUR street, YOUR block…a post-apocalyptic nightmare.


Picture your voice cracking, “What?” as you are told that your insurance company won’t be covering your losses.


Picture hugging your best friend for the last time before she moves away…permanently.


Picture yourself attempting to comfort your child: “It’s going to be okay, honey. We’re going to get a NEW house, and you’ll have a NEW bed and NEW toys and NEW friends, and things will be better than ever.” Picture yourself doubting those words as they come out.


Picture trying to rebuild your home with your own two hands.


Picture the contractor you hired skipping town with your Road Home money.


Picture yourself sitting on a plastic storage container filled with the moldy, rotting remains of your life. Picture yourself crying uncontrollably.

Picture yourself emotionally exhausted. Picture yourself actually forgetting what it’s like to smile.


Imagine feeling those emotions…for a year.
(Don’t read the remainder of this until you’ve actually tried to picture these things.)


Now picture yourself finally getting some good news. Picture yourself hearing that your city’s team looks pretty good and they’re going to be able to play AT HOME for the first time in what feels like forever. You don’t even remember what it was like to tailgate or to have a party at your house. You can’t for the life of you even remember the last time you high-fived someone.

Picture yourself returning to the scene of so much pain, so much violence, so much uncertainty. When you walk through the turnstiles all you can hear is people say, “Wow, it looks like nothing happened here!” When you smell the hot dogs and popcorn, you think of MRE’s. You instinctively check the roof to make sure it’s fixed. When you walk to your seat you think, people died here.

You don’t quite understand it when the National Anthem plays and you can’t hold back the tears. You turn to the stranger next to you who is also wiping tears away, and you both laugh a little, take a deep breath and sigh.

The roar always starts near the Saints’ tunnel because the fans there can see the team when they line up before they take the field. But tonight, the sound is different…louder…more desperate. When the Saints make their first big play, you know you’re going to pump your fists and yell. That’s the conditioned fan response. It’s expected. It’s normal. You’re ready for some normalcy.

The Saints block a punt and return it for a touchdown.

You didn’t know it was going to feel like being born again. You weren’t prepared. No one else is either. The screams of 72,002 other people in the Dome feel like they could break levees. The tears could flood the streets. Every big play is like this. Every touchdown, every sack. You’ve known the definition of “catharsis” since 7th grade English class. You never knew its meaning until now.


Just when you think you have nothing left to give, it’s halftime and U2 and Green Day play a live rendition of “The Saints are Coming.” After the first line, “There is a house in New Orleans; they call it the Superdome,” you well up again. A minute later, Bono sings, “Living like birds in the Magnolia trees; child on a rooftop, mother on her knees; her sign reads ‘Please, I am an Americaaaaaaaaan!”


You weren’t prepared for that. The words ring in your head. The freeze-frame memories from a year ago come flooding back. You don’t hear the rest of the song.

You can’t decide whether what you’re feeling is sadness or happiness. You know no one around you knows the answer either.

After another half of complete euphoria, New Orleanians would be heard for miles, chanting “WHO DAT,” screaming at the top of their lungs, index fingers in the air. Sportswriters, coaches, and players would later say that there was no team, NO TEAM, ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD that could have beaten the Saints that night.


I want another night like that. I hope this is our year.
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