need a laugh?

here's a brief synopsis of the last hour at our house.

dan called. stuck in the OR, won't be home til very late tonight. so it's just me and the girls. we eat dinner. girls have leftover pizza. abby eats 1/2 her slice and leaves the table, forgetting to clear her plate. i am doing dishes, and realize too late that Monster (our mini poodle) has jumped up to claim her leftovers. i start hollering at him and chasing him around the living room and kitchen as the slice hangs halfway out of his small mouth. i enlist the girls' help, and the three of us chase him around, laughing and hooting, until i finally catch him. he managed to eat part of it, but in the process got sauce and cheese all over his face and in the hair around his mouth, face, and ears. omg. huge mess for such a little dog.

so i tell the girls their bath will have to wait until i can bathe monster (can't have marinara dog running around new house and on new furniture). as i am bathing him, i hear the girls fighting and jumping on their beds, etc. abby comes in, clad in only her shirt (there is absolutely nothing cuter than a little naked tushie), to report that izzy has gotten a boo boo and (to add insult to injury) peed all over her bed. GOD DAMN IT.

so i finish up with the dog, dry his hair and then start a load of sheets. izzy's bed was made at the time she pissed on it, so her quilt, blanket, sheet, and mattress pad were all wet. Fu*$ing FAN-TA-BU-LOUS. especially since all their bedding had been freshly washed when we moved in this weekend. i realize they've been through a lot these last few days, but i just wish she would've peed anywhere else, even on the new carpet. then i get the girls in the rub for their bath and the usual drama ensues (crying, monsoon-like splashing, soap in eyes, you know the drill). wears me out.

i am rushing to get at least some of her bedding through the wash by bedtime. fortunately i have a few extra blankets, but i haven't gotten around to washing the new extra set of twin sheets i got for them (just in case of a situation like this one).

in the midst of all this, dan calls to ask me to set the DVR for Gossip Girl and 24. i'm all like, "what the f*&@, do you have any idea what kind of night i'm having while you're taking out some old woman's dead bowel?"