Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop -- An Open Letter to Santa Claus From Super Jew

If you'd like to play along, please check out Mama Kat's blog.

***The prompt I've chosen for today is an open letter to Santa.***

Dear Santa,

First of all, I'm really sorry that my family confused you when I was little. My mom's a Jew and my dad's an atheist, so why the hell were you stopping over at our place anyway? Of course when I was young, I had no conscience to speak of I didn't really think too hard about who brought me those cool roller skates and Ramona Quimby books. I was just super excited to have some new loot. While I wondered how such a fatty could fit down our chimney in the first place was a little suspicious, my thoughts never lingered long on the logistics---I just holed up in my room for a few days reading all about Ramona and her mother.

But Santa, a lot has changed since then. When I was a teenager I became friends with a special Jewish family and they taught me most of what I know now. Don't hate me for loving bacon embracing my Judaism. I've read and studied and gone to synagogue. I make challah almost every Friday and am proud of my Jewish heritage and how hot Hubs looks in his yarmulke.

Let me get to the point: stay the HELL away from my children! Please don't try to convert my kids. I mean, it's hard enough having a contest between a menorah and Santa. Lighting candles vs. a jolly old fella in a red suit? C'mon! So when they see you at their school next week and sit on your lap, please shut your trap  tread carefully. They are incredibly gullible They don't really "get it" yet and if you tell them you're going to come to our house with presents for them, they'll be expecting you.

In all seriousness, it makes me kinda sad. I am at a loss for what to tell them. How to explain for the umpteenth time that you aren't coming to our house, that we are Jews and we celebrate Hanukkah instead. I am sure this phase is temporary, but I want them to want their Judaism--I want them to want to be different in that way. As usual, my expectations are entirely too high for their tender young age.

So in closing, Dear Santa, please be careful with my kids. Don't make them want you too much. I know it's my job to make Hanukkah at our house super fun this year, and I'm on it. But it would be helpful if you could just back the hell off slow down this season and not be in so many places all at once. It's not Quantum Leap, it's Christmas.

And after all, I'm just a Jew....a lonely Jew....on Christmas.

Sincerely,
Erin

What I'm grateful for this Thanksgiving -- Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop

Our local newspaper asked us a few weeks ago to submit a short letter, in 150 words or less, about what we are thankful for this Thanksgiving. They called me last week to verify authorship, so I got pretty excited, but still wasn't sure it would be published. I woke this morning to find it in the paper. I wanted to do Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop today, but she asks for a poem about what we're grateful for. This isn't a poem, Mama Kat, but I'm going to be ballsy and just submit it anyway! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

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My husband and I were desperate to have children, but a medical condition presented a roadblock. After a roller-coaster ride of Clomid, intrauterine insemination and in-vitro fertilization, I was lucky enough to become pregnant. I gave birth to twin girls in 2005 and am so grateful to the doctor who helped us. Without her, there would be no infectious laughter, no one to call me “Mommy” and no mess of Goldfish crumbs in my back seat.

I am grateful to my husband who has been my best friend through everything. There is no greater gift than sharing a Thanksgiving dinner with him and my daughters.

This year I will pause as we begin to heap our plates with mounds of sweet potatoes. I will choke up as I look at my husband and my daughters and think to myself, “I am the luckiest woman in the world.”

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop - prompt

Mama Kat is hosting her Writer's Workshop today. Check it out! Today will be my first time participating. One of her prompts was to:

4.)Share a diary entry from when you were 13...feel free to make one up!(inspired via twitter by @EricaVoll from I'm Still Fabulous)

Background: on this particular day, I wrote a letter to the object of my affections (never intending to give it to him, obviously). It is not dated exactly, but it is from late October or early November of 1989:
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Dear Joe,

I love you so much. I don't mean just a stupid junior-high school crush or anything like that. I mean TRUE LOVE!

Also I would just like to tell you that unless you like me back (crazy, I know), please don't pull my hair or call me or ask to borrow my Algebra book.

Every time you tap me on the shoulder or pull my hair or hide my purse, I just happen to think that maybe, possibly you could like me back just a teensy weensy bit. Maybe I'm wrong, though. I can feel it. It just seems impossible that my biggest dream ever would really come true.

I hope this letter doesn't ruin the relationship I know we have--and that is FRIENDS. I hope you feel the same way.

You know what? I cry sometimes. Because I feel like you like Jamie Smith and Jessica Jackson. Maybe you do or maybe you don't. I don't know.

I dream about you all of the time. I hope you know what I think of you. If you don't, here goes: you are extremely intelligent, you are very nice, you are very cute and you are sensitive to other people's feelings.

I will love you forever. I want to marry you someday.

Love,
Erin B.