Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop -- An Open Letter to Santa Claus From Super Jew

If you'd like to play along, please check out Mama Kat's blog.

***The prompt I've chosen for today is an open letter to Santa.***

Dear Santa,

First of all, I'm really sorry that my family confused you when I was little. My mom's a Jew and my dad's an atheist, so why the hell were you stopping over at our place anyway? Of course when I was young, I had no conscience to speak of I didn't really think too hard about who brought me those cool roller skates and Ramona Quimby books. I was just super excited to have some new loot. While I wondered how such a fatty could fit down our chimney in the first place was a little suspicious, my thoughts never lingered long on the logistics---I just holed up in my room for a few days reading all about Ramona and her mother.

But Santa, a lot has changed since then. When I was a teenager I became friends with a special Jewish family and they taught me most of what I know now. Don't hate me for loving bacon embracing my Judaism. I've read and studied and gone to synagogue. I make challah almost every Friday and am proud of my Jewish heritage and how hot Hubs looks in his yarmulke.

Let me get to the point: stay the HELL away from my children! Please don't try to convert my kids. I mean, it's hard enough having a contest between a menorah and Santa. Lighting candles vs. a jolly old fella in a red suit? C'mon! So when they see you at their school next week and sit on your lap, please shut your trap  tread carefully. They are incredibly gullible They don't really "get it" yet and if you tell them you're going to come to our house with presents for them, they'll be expecting you.

In all seriousness, it makes me kinda sad. I am at a loss for what to tell them. How to explain for the umpteenth time that you aren't coming to our house, that we are Jews and we celebrate Hanukkah instead. I am sure this phase is temporary, but I want them to want their Judaism--I want them to want to be different in that way. As usual, my expectations are entirely too high for their tender young age.

So in closing, Dear Santa, please be careful with my kids. Don't make them want you too much. I know it's my job to make Hanukkah at our house super fun this year, and I'm on it. But it would be helpful if you could just back the hell off slow down this season and not be in so many places all at once. It's not Quantum Leap, it's Christmas.

And after all, I'm just a Jew....a lonely Jew....on Christmas.

Sincerely,
Erin