f'ing awful day, and it's only 1:45 p.m.

so....
the last few days izzy's been regressing with her potty training. it's been fabulous--really convenient and fun. it's been a real treat taking her car seat out of the car twice in the last 10 days to wash the cover (2 accidents in the car).

as if all of this wasn't fun enough, this morning happened.

it started out as a semi-normal morning, and izzy peed all over the carpet in their room. i cleaned it up and put her in a diaper. i told her when she's ready to be a big girl to let me know, and if she'll begin using the potty regularly again, she can have her panties back. she was less than thrilled with this and threw a fit, but i held firm. we ran some errands and came home mid-morning. i took them downstairs to play while i worked out on the elliptical. afterwards i brought them back up with me and let them play in their room while i showered. mid-shampoo izzy finds her way to my bathroom and announces that she's wet and poopy and it's right then that i notice poop on her legs. i scream at her to "STAY THERE AND DON'T MOVE!" as i hurriedly scramble into a towel (shampoo still in hair, mind you). as i pick her up to bring her to her tub, i notice that there's poop/pee on the carpet of my bedroom, and apparently she stepped in it on her way to inform me. lovely. if you hadn't guessed already, my illustrious daughter took it upon herself to remove her own diaper. she made it clear she didn't want the diaper on and it was obvious to her the best time to take it off was while mommy was in the shower.

so i am dripping wet, shampoo still in my hair and feeling like vomiting. i throw her in the tub, where she proceeds to poop a little more. then i remember the last time we had a similar situation (also documented in this blog), and too late run to grab the dog and shut him up in the laundry room. so now izzy's crying in the tub and has pooped in it; there is more poop and pee on the floor in my bedroom and bathroom; and as i go to bring her dirty clothes and my dirty bath mat to the laundry room, i remember too late Monster is in there and open the door. he goes flying past me to investigate and see if there are any delectable morsels left. I scrape what i can off my carpet and go to drain the tub, shower izzy off, and then clean the tub. i put a clean diaper on izzy and threaten her with many spanks if she dares to pull it off.

fortunately i still have my mother-in-law's handy dandy carpet steam cleaner and i load it up with the cleanser and hot water. i clean my bedroom carpet. i throw in more laundry. i spray down the girls' bathtub a second time and wipe it down well. i sit the girls at the kitchen table with lunch and call my mom, sobbing.

i eventually got back in the shower to finish what i started. i put the girls down for naps and ate some lunch. just as i started to unwind a bit, abby got up (a measly 1/2 hour after i put them down---so it's definitely one of those days around here). i again almost had a drink. i can't take it. why doesn't anyone warn you that motherhood will be this way? why, on this day of all days, can't both of my kids nap for at least an hour and a half so i can get my shit (pun unintended) back together before the 2nd half of the day begins?

i think i'd be really perfect for the lead role in How to Lose Your Mind and Commit Suicide in 10 Days (or Less). i think i'll go buy some poster board and make a sign that reads, "Free To Good Home," and put it in my front yard and sit my kids next to it.

Just kidding!
(maybe)