Doorways, Beginnings and Endings: Looking Both Ways

When I was in eighth grade suffering miserably through taking Latin I, I did a report on Janus, a god in Roman mythology. According to Wickipedia,

Janus is the god of gates, doors, doorways, beginnings and endings. His most prominent remnant in modern culture is his namesake, the month of January, which begins the new year.The reason for this is that one is looking back at the previous year and the other is looking forward to the new year ahead. He is most often depicted as having two faces or heads, facing in opposite directions. These heads were believed to look into both the future and the past.

Because we just celebrated Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, I have been thinking a lot about Janus, and about how I've been living my life...and wondering how it compares to the way you live yours?

Methinks I look back too much, checking over my shoulder to see what or who is lumbering behind me, calling me out, bringing me down. Is this a negative thing? I honestly don't know. My past often weighs heavily upon me. I lug it around like a ball and chain, unable to ever fully leave it behind. It's a part of me, inscribed upon my heart, so it's not always necessarily a physical burden. But it's always there, nesting just below the surface. Would it be better if I ignored my instincts, or patterns that have replayed throughout my life? Should I learn a way to chuck it all out with the greasy pizza boxes or lock it in a cold, metal box and hurl the key into the closest body of water? How do I release myself, how to I move over and beyond these mental blocks I've set up for myself?

I love things neat, tidy and orderly. I especially like closure. I adore definitive answers. I guess I'm slightly Type A/ OCD. But life obviously doesn't work that way. I know this. Life isn't a beautiful Tiffany box with a perfectly tied white bow on top. And I need to learn to live with that. Right?

There's so much I want to do in this life and I only get one shot. But right now, I'm not at my best because I've got too much holding me back. This is one reason I'm so excited to attend Creating Irresistible Presence next week with @katjaib, @AmyOscar, @lipdesign, @DooneyPug, @Lorilatimer, @AllisonNazarian, and of course, CIP's brainchild, @SarahRobinson. I want to start moving FORWARD. I want to leave the negativity behind, or at least somehow harness its power to help propel myself in the right direction.

What about you? Do you look both ways?