My Name is Monster and I Am a Mini Poodle.

(This is my favorite perch--atop the couch in the living room. You'd think I was a cat.)

My name is Monster and I am a really handsome Mini Poodle. I am 5 1/2 years old, and I adore my family. I especially love that my parents refuse to give me a typical Poodle 'do. Most people think I am a Bichon instead. Anybark, I try to be a big help around the house, but they just don't get it! My sisters make such a mess at meals, so I hang out to catch the crumbs they drop on their chairs and the floor. I wait very patiently most of the time....(how cute am I, by the way?!?)

but occasionally I lose control can't help myself and Mom and Dad have to tether me on my leash, which really bites. Each morsel is so delectable compared to this Iams shit they feed me day in and day out. Sometimes my sisters are little hags sweet for a change and toss me their vegetables under the table when my parents aren't looking. So I'm afraid I've become a bit of a beggar, which isn't good. But honestly, would you want to eat the same crap at every meal for the rest of your natural born life?

See that little Goldfish cracker? MmMmMMm. My favorite. The girls just can't seem to get everything into their mouths. So I take care of the rest. Being so low to the ground sure has its perks!

After the meal is over and Mom is slaving away washing the dishes, I seize the opportunity to help her clean up the kitchen. I lick the table and placemats clean while she yells at me from the sink. I wait until I hear the dishes clatter and then I hop down and hide under the table where she is too big to reach me can't catch me. I also find yummy bits on their napkins. Before Mom went all green she used paper napkins, which I would helpfully shred for her (to aid in the decomposition process, you see). Now she uses cloth napkins, so I drag them off the table and onto the floor where I can lick them clean in peace. Then Mom screams at me again, snatches them from me, and starts complaining about all the laundry she has to do every day.

"This is MY napkin now, Mom! Don't you dare try to take it away!"

As Mom loads the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, I feel its my duty to make sure she's rinsed them well. So I check it all out and give it a last wipe down with my tongue.

After all my hard work, all I want is a nap on the same little blue bed I've had for 5 1/2 years....

and a maybe belly rub!