Pictured here is my BFF & neighbor, Jennifer. She was Madonna for Halloween that year. And me? I'm the dorky juice box. I'm practically drooling over her costume, as the two of us had spent many an hour crooning the "Like a Virgin" lyrics into our hairbrushes every day after school.
Anyvirgin, my jealousy is palpable. Note the envious expression on my face. I may as well be eyeing a plate of french fries I'm about to devour---because I wanted to be her. Not just her, my friend....I wanted to be Madonna. But I wasn't cool or creative enough, my mom only knew how to make costumes out of boxes (which were a bitch to walk in, by the way---my knees knocking on the cardboard), and let's face it-- I wasn't ready to channel my inner Madonna just yet.
But now? With Halloween merely weeks away (and in case it wasn't already crystal clear, it's my FAVORITE holiday), CIP under my belt, my skeletons coming out of the closet, and Abby teasing me with her Madonna shirt which she insists upon wearing every day it's clean....
It's time. It's my turn.
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears: I am morphing into MADONNA. I am going to channel my inner rockstar. And it's gonna last way beyond Halloween, so gird your loins, people. I'm taking on her attitude--not going to care what people think, not going to be afraid to change, and I'm going to say what I want. And you're going to like it. Or at least pretend that you do. I have always had a thing for Madonna and she's my idol. Which could explain the new artwork we bought from @TwoOldHippies in Aspen recently. More on that another time.
Some of you reading this may recall my brief stint as Madge in college. One day a hypnotist showed up on campus for an evening of fun in one of the lecture halls. A big group of us went because there were no fraternity parties that night out of curiosity. He asked for volunteers from the audience and unbeknownst to me, my "friends" sitting behind me were pointing & wildly gesturing in my direction. Because I'm oblivious, naive, and unassuming like that, I got picked and had to get up on stage. Inside I was feeling cautious, but confident because I knew it was all an act. Next thing I know, I'm cowering behind a row of chairs because this hypnotist has convinced me I'm completely naked. Five minutes later he informs me I'm Madonna at a concert; suddenly I'm singing and strutting my stuff all over the stage, belting out lyrics and sounding like a sick cat. Clearly this guy was gifted because whenever I've assumed the position on any type of stage, my voice cracks and shakes, I am a total wreck, and I basically want to vomit thinking of all the people looking at me.
But back to our adventure in the hood today.
Confession # 1: I may or may not have dragged my innocent daughters into a seedy costume shop in the hood that had actual black iron bars over the windows.
Confession # 2: I may or may not have encouraged said children to follow me into the musty, dank, mildewy-smelling basement to look for Madonna garb.
Confession # 3: I may or may not have actually enlisted the help of a salesperson to assist me in assembling the perfect Madge ensemble.
Who are you channeling this Halloween? And how can I convince my husband to dress up this year? Furthermore, what should he be?
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